I'm gonna try to do this in 15 or less since my soap is coming on and it only has 5 episodes left. Heck, I have TIVO so....
Jumping out at me, his back hurts, his head hurts, his neck hurts, he is fat, his sugar is low, he is hungry, he is not, he is tired. The front comes and goes, but it is getting harder for him to maintain it for long periods of time before he has to go off on his own. He is tired. But then sometimes he is so normal it is like the veil has lifted. It doesn't last either. Joking with me more, grumpier with me more, grumpier in general. So I don't know if you can project anything from that.
I do notice that as long as I don't say too much that he can perceive in any way as any sort of implication that he could help more, do more, or is making me unhappy, he is calmer. With me. Too bad my tongue doesn't always follow the rules. LOL. I do validate tons, appreciate a whole bunch, but there are just some things that have to be said.
The thing with looking for signs, personally, it leads to expectation (even little ones, then impatience). And regardless, there is no guarantee if the result with be a saved M. So I try to avoid that other than to see where I am. As much as I want him here helping with S and house, I do appreciate the calm that comes with him not here. He works roughly 15 hour days, six days a week for the last year or so. When we were younger, I hated that he was gone so long. I hated the long separations, but now they do bring calm and fun time for me. That is because I don't worry about when he is coming home anymore, if he will make it safely, (he will or he won't), what I did or didn't get accomplished while he was at work and was it enough or was he going to be upset because I was too tired to put away the laundry. Now, it is all about me and my crazy hectic schedule and I need to sleep too.
Whew! Looks like I'm done and still have a few minutes to spare. Miracles will never cease.
How are you doing?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
