I wonder about this, in my case, and I have seen other say this as well, my W asked me to start dating other women, and last business trip I went on, she told me to get laid while I was there.
My W USED to say these kinds of things, when she was in the throws of her A, she was queen of the world, and she wanted to alleviate that nagging guilt she felt. Just don't say anything in response to those ridiculous comments. Silence is a more biting reply that anything you can say.
She hasn't said anything like that in a loooong time now. She used to mention OM, with the attitude of "I'm with OM now, just accept it." I never replied to those statements either, and I NEVER brought up OM myself, ever. It drove her nuts, as she wanted me to validate that R. How can it be real if this other very important person in my life, my H, won't even acknowledge that it's happening? She really lost it on me once, saying I was taking Bill Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell" policy to a whole other level! Hilarious!
Well, she never mentions OM any more, and she never asks me if I'm dating any more. When I'm talking on the phone with her and I say "Gotta go, I've got plans tonight" she never asks where or with who anymore, but she does offer a gentle "Ok, have a nice time". She knows better than to act hurt or angry after what she's done.
The biggest thing I've done to turn the tide is to be proactive in pushing for the D. Just think of it as a poker bluff, the more convincing the better. Hey, if it works, great, and if it doesn't work, well then you were going to get D anyway, so at least you maintained some pride and dignity. I think the whole dating thing is similar. It drives home the reality that you are really going to be GONE. The WAW is so self centered, so egotistical, that they truly believe you'll always be there for them.
The whole goal of DBing is to chip away at that false sense of security and swagger. While they're in the honeymoon phase of an A, it's impossible, as their sense of reality is distorted by the love chemicals in their brain, but after a few months that wears off, and slowly but surely reality sets in. That's when they become suceptible to the fear of loss. Can be frustrating at first, when everyhing we do seems to just bounce off them, but don't worry, that armor is cracking, slow but sure.
