Hi Kat.. yes I think you are right, thank goodness that phase of our lives and his is over.. I still spring to tears when U think of his Dad, it was such a difficult time.. to suddently have to take care of this funny, but beligerant depressed man with a stroke, after being fairly absent from his sons life, emotionally, for the past 20 years. I'm sorry I couldnt help more on the soulmate thing.. but trust your intuition hey!
I'm having a real 'letting go' weekend.. of the past. I feel like I am more in love with him than ever, if that were possible. He just looks so happy and is being so lovely, its hard to tear myself away from him, I feel such a sap. x
Hey Ali, I just wanted to let you know I think I am understanding alot better how you felt when the two of you were apart. This roller coaster of emotions is crazy. Don't forget to give Maria hugs for me!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey girls! Thanks Kat.. I guess you mean that there was this real love between us and it was so hard to be apart? Wow, its still feels surreal being with him. We just spent 3 days straight alone together, both off work ill Fri and then a sunny weekend at the beach. Thats enough for me, for now, but he wonders why noone calls (everyone is still staying away, letting us rebuild, but its been 4 months nearly!!).
K - No NO NO NO NO!! We would never do that in your house, that would be like doing it in his Mums, or my Mums, ewww, no way!! Haha. And anyway, we are not having sex in our own house, neverlone anyone elses! Apart from once or twice.. he is still feeling 'not sexy' and now feels 'flat' - but then he told me he lost his pills last weekend and so hasnt had one since then. So, he starts to get quiet and less fun... He is going to ring round his friends today to see if he can find them.
The no ML is getting to me. I feel like I need more reassurance than this (although he gives it to me all day long really, hugs, kisses etc). We had a little chat about how he feels, he said he reacts badly when we talk because it makes him realise how much he upset me and hurt me and he cant bare how that makes him feel. He said he knows what he wants now and was 'crazy' before and is largely nowhere near that anymore, but not 100% ok yet. Meanwhile, the closer we get and the further the bomb is, the more resentments rise.. its like.. how could you do that to me !?? But I dont tell him. Its not the fact he left me, its the way he left, so brutally...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You 've been having one of the smoothest reconciliations on these boards and still, you tell us something is OFF. I wonder if anyone, anyone can make it if you two feel weird. Your BF sounds like he is on his knees constantly, remorsefull and tender and loving. Maybe you too need to deal with some of your issues as well. There is not much else he can do, you know?
So, are you still coming? Maybe we can go skiing together, LOL!!! K
Ali... I really think when you get back from greece you should think about going to therapy together. Your resentment, his sexual issues--those are things that you need to deal with. Not insurmountable, but sweeping them under the rug isn't going to work as a lifelong coping mechanism.
I'm not sure you guys are into this, and/or maybe this is TMI for the boards, but could he give you oral or something, so you could feel loved without it being about his sexual performance fears? I'm not sure how to bring that up without pressuring him for something that maybe he's not into, but maybe it would be worth exploring other options in terms of connecting intimately, youknowwhatim'saying??
Hey girls! Ahh.. you know, we're really ok though, I am so lucky and I am sure others can make it if I can! We are like a picture of domestic bliss.. if I really posted it all, it would make for sickening reading on a forum like this !! For example, he just called me sweetie poppet schnookey honey lumps... or something equally ridiculous.. its like he cant get enough terms of endearment into one sentence (its sort of a sweet jokey thing though too!). You are right K, he always was a sensitive kind man, but he's amazing me with how loving and tender he is being. I still feel tripped out, like I'm dreaming it...
I do struggle a bit with the thought of him being with another woman (like yesterday he admitted they went away for a weekend to meet her friends, but he didnt connect with any of them and has no desire to see people from that period again).. which is great!.. but my head gets stuck on.. they went away for a weekend...I guess its just time?? I do reassure him that I look back and view events in the CONTEXT of him being depressed (and not some b*stard or something).
T - I did suggest to him we can just be intimate or loving, doesnt have to be the big ML. He agreed and seemed keen on trying massage! and says its just a phase thuogh and then it will all be back to normal. The annoying thing is, he has NO performance issues and nothing to worry about! Must be a mental thing, maybe its the guilt??
I booked MC sessions, very rebutable UK place, I got it free through work even (which is great as its normally �60 a time) but he said he didnt want to go and asked me not to push it on us, so I droppped it.
K - yes we are still coming, by the weekend 19th if thats ok.. is it still hot there!!??
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
No, it's chilly and raining!!! God I hope you will make to the islands. Maybe stick to the bigger ones? And on Oct 4th we have elections so you better make sure you have all tickets booked because in Greece we move around to vote at the location of our birth or hometown or the place where our legal rights are, and we get off days for travelling, so alot of people we'll be moving around that weekend.
You need to tell me time and flights!!! K
Last edited by Kalni; 09/15/0907:59 AM. Reason: Spelling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Oh no !! I just told bf that.. I keep asking why we never went yet, I'm not sure, maybe because he was under a lot of pressure at work last week?? I kept telling him the weather changes in Greece in late September. Thats bad news about the elections too, although we were going to be flying back the 3rd Oct at the latest anyway. Best laid plans!! Eek.
