who is this man?

[Ms Jen]

Wow I hate weekends. Too much time around the house, time we would be spending together and still do sometimes but it feels so forced and awkward.

I was cleaning this weekend (kept me busy anyway) and saw some photos of H over the past couple of years. Last year we were at family's lake house 4th of July weekend and I didn't see much of H it was like.. he was doing his darndest to avoid me. Maybe even before then, and certainly since then, it's been a roller coaster ride. I'm nauseated from the constant jarring of it all.

I feel like I have to brace myself for what may come- because the minute I let my guard down and think we may actually be having quality time together that's when H will say he can't do this, it's too hard to pretend. Well bite me baby we all pretend.

Will I ever truly get strong enough to let H own his own misery?

Back in January I journaled "if we dont connect physically and we dont connect emotionally what connection is there??". This time its been way longer too... the lack of touch AT ALL has lasted about a month and we're going on 3 months for ML.

I'm just tired and lonely and grouchy today, that's all