K4D Rising #4

[missmyfriend]

Kevin,

First, I would agree that you should talk with a counselor, preferably a Christian counselor, not a counselor that is a Christian, if that makes sense. I have been related to a lot of alcoholics so I know that most drink because they are searching for something to make their depression go away. If you have had an issue with drinking, you have probably been depressed for a long time.

We all have issues. The important thing is to confront your issues and, in most cases, you need someone's help to do it. And then, you need someone to stay by your side, supporting you.

Regarding your M, and your faith, believing that God will heal your M, is something you are probably receiving from the Holy Spirit. I have questioned myself many times to make sure that this is not my own wishful thinking or if God has put it on my heart that He will heal my M...someday.

My biggest challenge to overcome is control. We have free will but God asks us to turn our free will over to Him and let go of control. He knows better than anyone what is best for Kevin and Kevin's family. He first wants you to trust Him completely, in every area of your life. Scripture supports this throughout the Old and New Testament. You should avoid taking back what you have given Him to take care of. If you make mistakes (we all do), you are likely delaying what God will do in your life. The reason is that your R with God has to be more important than anything else. If it isn't, what is your reason for a R with God? Is it to get your family back? If it is, He knows that. If you are having trouble with belief, remember the scripture in Mark 9:14-32 where the man comes before Jesus to have an evil spirit removed from his son and in Mark 9:23-24 Jesus says, "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

This father was real! He admitted, while he believed, he knew that he had some disbelief and asked for help. Kevin, if you are challenged with your belief, ask the Lord to help you with it. He understands. He knows our weaknesses. He knows everything. And He can soften your Ws heart as He has done with others (supported scripturally). You cannot do this directly but your W can witness the "real" changes in you.

You wondered how long your W can keep this up and I agree indefinitely. You have been married since '97 so how long may she have prayed that you would change? How long did she suffer? I am not taking her side. I am taking the side of your marriage.

If you have read about Hosea (he was a minor prophet) and Gomer, there are some excellent lessons to learn. Gomer was beautiful. Extremely beautiful and Hosea loved her deeply. They had a child together. Instead of staying home with her new family, Gomer started to go out, leaving Hosea to take care of the baby, while she partied and slept around. Gomer became pregnant and when the child was born, it was fairly obvious that it was not Hosea's. Gomer continued her ways and had another child, leaving Hosea to take care of three children. At this point, Gomer, probably in the throes of a MLC left her family and took up with another man. While I cannot tell you the details of how Hosea acted and reacted to this situation, I can tell you that he expressed sorrow.

When Hosea learned that his wife was living in less than ideal conditions, he confronted the man that Gomer was sleeping with and gave him food, clothing and perfumes and instructed the man not to tell Gomer where they came from. The man gladly took the items and credit for everything and gave them to Gomer. Gomer enjoyed the items but still left this man and became a temple priestess for a pagan god.

Most people would tell Hosea what a fool he was to wait for Gomer, that their marriage was over and that she would never return, and giving the gifts to the man sleeping with his wife was completely idiotic. God, however, instructed Hosea to continue being His prophet, to take care of the children and to wait...patiently.

A temple priestess wasn't much more than a whore, providing the priests and whomever they wanted to sleep with the priestesses. The priestesses exchanged their bodies for a life of leisure and plenty.

One day, Hosea came upon a slave auction and saw Gomer being readied for sale. He recognized her even though she was extremely thin, gray and her once beautiful face looked drawn and haggard. He still loved her and felt that he should win her in the auction. He ended up buying her freedom and, while others witnessing this said Hosea should not treat her well for what she had done, Hosea put her in fine clothes and led her in a cart back to their home. He had his staff clean her up, feed her and instructed them to treat her as the lady of the house. Gomer did not feel worthy of this expression of love. Hosea did it anyway. At the end of the book, Homer spoke lovingly and respectfully of his wife and how she was an incredible mother and wife.

This story was real. It wasn't a parable although it was a comparison to what happened between God and Israel. God didn't cause Gomer to leave. It was her choice but He was able to make good of what happened. And Hosea listened to the Lord and was patient. Apparently years went by from the time the children were small until she came back with grey in her hair and the children nearly full grown.

When I read this story, it would have been easy to think of me as Hosea and my wife as Gomer. And maybe that is somewhat accurate but not completely. I was nowhere the faithful servant to God that Hosea was or even close to being as good a father or husband as Hosea. God uses situations to help people become more like who He wants them to be -- more Christ like. I believe that I have changed but I know I need to change more in order to be the man God wants me to be as a Christ follower, a father and a husband. I know that I have to move toward selfless acts just like Jesus did when He was crucified and killed on the cross on Calvary before I can be prepared to be in a daily marriage again. I will never be perfect. I can't but I will try to do whatever He wants to please Him and not anyone else. If I can, I will know more joy in my life. And if I allow God to work in my life, He can soften my Ws heart to Him, which is more important than my M.

Kevin, this is a journey. A never ending one. And like most journeys it helps if you have a good leader on your journey. Let Him be your guide. Trust Him completely.

If you aren't reading the bible daily, do so. It is an instruction manual and as I heard in a good move, a love letter.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" Psalm 119:105

Don't stumble around in the darkness. Cling to Him.