Well, I would like to say that this all gets easier, and it does, but in some ways it is harder...perhaps it is the disappointment that H is who is and is soooo in it with rock star and just so distracted from any real comprehension of what he is missing.
As I prepare to embark on our new life, school starts, huge decisions to make, H seems blissfully immersed in chasing around rock-star (and for mere pitons compared to what he used to make). He doesn't care. His travel is covered, he stays in nice places, fancy dinners with uber-important people...and why I am I talking about him?????
Because while away on my trip, I had many pangs of sadness, awareness that this little threesome (me and my kids) are my family and of course I had a blast and so did they but I wanted someone to share the moments with, for better or worse, I just did. And the kids missed their dad.
Looking at it realistically, I have done so much of this on my own for quite a while so the feeling was familiar. However, there was a time and were times we were so together and really loved when we went on vacations...I miss that.
So, perhaps I can look at H as if he is sick, he is now fully immersed in the fake and pseudo-fabulous world of rock-stars and special people.
I don't completely understand why he contacts me so much or in the way he does, maybe just keep the connection...I don't know. But, damn I'm still disappointed in him. The public display of his experience on FB is humorous and humiliating (him dressing up in rock star clothes and women posting suggestive remarks)...
On a better note, my kids are so awesome and we had a wonderful time.
We are all complete as individuals yet something inside of us wants us to share our daily experiences with someone else even if that person sometimes is a major source of anxiety, problems, etc.
I think you can look at it that your husband is immersed in a fantasy world right now, sometimes adults want to be kids again, we want to reclaim our youth by living vicariously through others, I don't know if it can be properly explained, I know I look at my kids and wish I was a kid again: being young now a days looks so fun but there are things I wouldn't trade: my new found individuality, the control I exercise in my own life, the positive direction it's going in - there is alot of value in these things.
Him maintaining contact maybe is a way for him to tag you, just to keep you where you are, his safe second backup option just in case the rock star life doesn't work out and if that's the case, you know you have control over that as well. Go dark, no contact, stop replying to msg's, emails, texts, etc.
Either way I hope you had a great birthday, if he missed it, it was his loss, trust me ;-)
