K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Yes, I spoke to my priest friend on Friday. My appointments with him have been changed to Fridays since D11 has choir on Mondays now.

And believe me, yes I am sick to death of feeling this way. I am sick to death of being lonely and in limbo about my life. I am also sick to death of my kids having to go through this. It is unfair to them and their mom has really become very hard nosed about everything in life. And the whole image thing has just moved to new levels with her. She is becoming more and more like her mom all the time. Her mom is a very miserable person with huge emphasis on image and money. It has really gotten to the point of ridiculous.

This past saturday I took D7 to a new dance class. She danced for a good portion of it and I guess then got a little intimidated because the kids were older than her. She is 7 and it is a class for 8 to 10 year olds. But D7 is so tall her mom put her in there. Well W shows up and D7 was sitting over in the corner towards the end. This didn't go over well with W. She said that is unacceptable and we need to tell her that. I said wooa. This is her first time in this class. She danced most of it. Give her a chance to get comfortable before you start telling her what is acceptable and what isn't. Let her ease her way into it. W didn't say anything to D7 about it after I said that. But its things like this that are just constant about W feeling like everyone has to ask how high if she says jump. There are other examples to. That is just one of them. She is a major control freak. She signed D11 up for a solo without asking D11 if she wanted to first. D11 had to come to me and tell me she didn't want the solo. I told D11 that she needs to let her mom know then. She just takes it upon herself to assume what everyone should be doing without asking people, especially the kids. It drives me batty.

Last night I dropped off the kids at W's house. D7 had decided she wanted to get dressed in her pajamas and head over. So I let her. I get them over there and W says that is unacceptable and that they are going out to dinner with her mom and the kids needs to be dressed properly. She even made D11 change who was wearing a dress. Well, nobody had told me they were going out to dinner and D7 usually is dressed.

W put a garage door opener on the house that is finger print oriented. I guess she wants to make sure I cannot access the house. It is also a security feature.

I don't know. I wish she would wake up and realize the issues she is causing in all of this. The kids are going to have a maimed version of love for her as this goes on, not an admiralble love. She herself has a maimed version of love for her parents because of them pulling the same stunts when she was a kid and she doesn't even realize it. Our kids could have an admirable love for her, but she is killing that.

I'm not pinning all the blame on her. I have my own issues which everyone knows about that I am having to work through. One thing I noticed is that W constantly has to be active in some form of way. She can't ever just relax mentally. And she has admitted this. She stays up til the wee hours of the morning and has for years either chatting, working, cleaning, something, being on the go with friends, family, shopping anything to keep from slowing down. And she has told me that she cannot shut her mind down and I personally witness it. But now it has really moved into total control freak mentality and disgust for those that aren't in agreement with her.

I don't know.

Kevin