Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Not much new going on. Baby is sick. Left one voicemail and 2 text messages last night asking for some help picking up some stuff and seeing if he wanted to spend time with her because he always accuses me of shutting him out of his life. He didn't answer any of the messages. In fact, went almost 24 hours with no contact from him and he KNEW she was sick.
I can't win. He is always upset with me because he thinks I am keeping baby from him. I am always here for his visit days and he is the one who cancels...I offer extra stuff and he isn't around.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Very disappointed in myself. I let him badger me down.
He was going on and on about how I should want baby to be with her father, blah blah blah...but I don't etc. I was telling him I do, but on the off days I make plans. He seems to think I should change them for him.
So I ended up inviting him to go to icecream with us last night. It was fun and we joked around. He made comments about my 'boyfriends' and I joked about his. He said she is almost gone, and I jokingly asked who the next victim was. He said with a smile that he didn't know. I said why don't you be a father rather than the Town Slut? He didn't like tha very much. Oh well..I pointed out that everyone around him is now married and he is acting like a spoiled frat boy and does that give him a clue. He said I always think I am perfect and that ruined our M.
So later I stupidly sent a text saying I wasn't perfect and I thought that baby, other kids and he were worth fighting for...His reply:
You shouldn't have to fight to keep a M together. It should be natural. You thinking you are perfect and pointing our my faults was on my nerves.
On what planet does he think there won't be problems? I was doing all the fighting against all of his crap. He made me feel like I was the cause of his misery. Who isn't going to point out drinking and cheating?
I just told him to tell that to our daughter why we couldn't fight for her to have a stable life.
He came back with his usual "I love my daughter". I really hate when he says that. Its like he has to convince me of it. You do? Really? How? Up to this point you have been a selfish jerk.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well, all of a sudden I am getting asked to do social things. Go figure. 2 years ago when exh and I were split I had no single friends and now they are coming out of the woodwork. Problem is that not one has a small child like I do. They are all my age with teens or older kids.
Last night we went to a Football party. Very difficult with an 18 month old and she is the only child there. We lasted half the game. Between trying to keep her from testing everybodys wine and beer glasses on the table, to changing the channel, to trying to pet the dogs I was exhausted. I couldn't even carry on a conversation with anyone because baby was so busy.
Now they are all going out this weekend. I can't go because of baby. They will be gone for 6 hours and that is way too long for my older D to watch baby.
I am also worried about me going out and having negative consequences if exh found out. I had to go to that sport meeting and he wanted me to leave baby with him.
A little depressed that all of a sudden I have opportunities to be social and I really cant.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Sorry you're feeling off centered (at least that's how it sounds). You need to get back on task. Ground yourself. Refocus. Whatever is going to help you to stop obsessing about the sitch. Because, my love, that IS what you're doing. Pull back some. You sound good on FB...doing things, going places. Just keep doing more of that. I swear...the best thing I ever did was detach from my Ex. Now he seeks ME out.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Sorry lady, ex is playing old games and you won't get anywhere playing them with him. You are D for a reason - just b/c he doesn't get it doesn't make things any different.
If you can't socialize as much as you would like - remember it is only temporary - your little girl will grow up soon - too soon.
Focus on what is important and what lasts. Just my 2pennies worth.
hey, why not just go out for a couple hours or so when the baby is asleep. then your not missing out on baby time, and you get to socialize for a while. you do need to socialize and get out there. of course not a lot, because you DO have a little one unlike the rest of them, but you need time too.
and don't point out exh's faults to him. you know it doesn't work.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks for the responses. I love coming here to stay grounded when I fly in my thinking.
I have realized I do need a social life as limited as it would be right now. This weekend I will pass on the extended time evening with the friends. Its just too far away and too long. I told them maybe when they do something locally and I would only be gone for a few hours I can possibly make it. I keep asking them where they were 2 years ago when I was separated from exh with no children.
Exh got angry with me again yesterday. I just don't understand if he really truly believes what he is saying or is using his anger and temper to make me scared? He asked if I still had this stupid fan he had. I said I didn't know but I was walking out the door and he could come look if he wanted as it would have been in the garage. I didn't realize he was coming right then. Baby and I passed him on the street with his exbil that he works with. I just waved and kept going. He called me and asked "where is the fire?" and proceeded to yell at me for keeping baby from him again and this is what he is talking about. For one, its not his day. Two, he missed his day before because he was 'sick'. Three, I am not on call for him all the time.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
For one, its not his day. Two, he missed his day before because he was 'sick'. Three, I am not on call for him all the time.
Did you tell him this?
yes I do...and he fires back with excuses of work, etc. why he can't be there and quickly changes the blame back to me saying "don't you want baby to know her father?" If it were truly work issues than I would be more flexible...his exnephews football game, hunting or other personal stuff is no excuse. But its always my fault.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
