Give it to me straight!

[gForce]

I am trying to decide if I should tell him I am going to serve him if he doesn't break it off with ow.

I do not want to nag. That is extremely unattractive and makes the time we do spend together miserable which hurts odds of a good reconciliation.

Of course in our case, it wasn't a matter of deciding whether to file anyway. It was a matter of postponing a court date that was looming in just a few days. I told W that my decision to go ahead with the D, postpone the date again, or to withdraw the D petition was all dependent on how these first few steps went.

But you are right - I was careful not to nag her. She sure didn't want to face me harping about things (are we there yet? are we there yet?) at a time when neither of us was sure if we could pick up the pieces. But it was clear that a few steps HAD to happen and that they were non-negotiable. If they didn't happen (or if it required constant pressure from me to happen) that would speak volumes about her commitment to reconciliation.

All in all, pretty nice. However I decided that I will go up and sign the papers while he is gone this week and have them ready to give to him when he gets back. If he hasn't booked the retreat and MORE IMPORTANTLY broken it off with ow, then I will be serving him.

So my thoughts are either I drop it entirely and if HE hasn't made the effort to tell/show me he ended it by the time he gets back, I just serve him. My other option is to say, "I don't want to talk about it any more, just know I will be serving you upon your arrival if you have not shown me it is over".

Option 1 is what I would favor. It should be obvious to him what to do by now and that it needs to happen before any further progress is possible. No excuses, especially with his history. Option 2 sounds like a threat. Threats can be effective short-term, but won't result in real change.