Oz breathe and leave it.. Ok H's version of the night is sightly different, something about the weekend got him rattled, dunno maybe he woke up the following morning realising that he didnt want to over step the mark, who knows after all he is still doing his best ET impression. Accept that what ever happened has caused him to think about you and whats going on! We really need one of the lads to translate dont we?
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I'm not surprised you are fuming (((Oz))) but I do think that we need a male perspective here ... Gucci - where are you??
Like Cas, I really don't know what to say here - except for sit tight and do nothing. If you react, that could be the worst thing. Make like it means nothing - or that you haven't seen the photo's yet. Afterall, as you said, these women are not Oz-standard so why would H think anything of them at all ... ??
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/14/0909:02 AM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I'm not surprised you are fuming (((Oz))) but I do think that we need a male perspective here ... Gucci - where are you??
Oh, ladies, ladies ladies... How am I going to get through to you? Stop living in denial of what it really going on here...
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck etc... Guess what it is?.....
Oz, you had him wondering for a short time. You blew it though. I know you think you acted mysterious. You can NOT act mysterious on the one hand and then act like a loving wife and being there for him on the other. It will get you nowhere.
Let me say it again...For mystery to work he HAS to wonder if there is another man. I can't make it any clearer. I know you just don't want to believe that. HOWEVER, your not wanting to believe it doesn't make it not true. Why? Because it IS true.
Take the comment your husband made about theguy who is all uspset about his wife wanting out and how your husband felt for him...
You missed the key point to that whole story... Did you NOT notice that the woman left HIM. See how it works? SHE LEFT HIM. Now the guy is beside himself...
THAT is what works. You have to make your husband think that you are DONE. Suddenly you are goin out and being mysterious AND not TRYING anymore. Those who chase and hang in there are the ones who DON'T succeed iin reconciling. It is only when the woman gives up and walks the other way that she wakes him up...(rmember the guy your husband talked about that was beside himself. WHY is he NOW upset? (because she gave up)
Looks like what you want is to be mysterious only to a point. It won't work if you don't play it all the way out. You need to act like a WAW. It is the WAW's who are the ones who have the husbands chasing them and doing everything and anything to get her back. That is your key to what works. It is doing what the WAW does that is your answer.
Allowing your man to go out and be dancing and partying on the bar wearing a wig and huggin other women and then you saying that you don't want him to think that you don't want him to go out is showing how low you feel about yourself..You are very naive if you don't believe there is more going on. THAT is denial. There IS MORE GOING ON. Stop being naieve. THERE IS MORE GOING ON.
Your attitude should be...
"You can do anything you want. but I WILL TOO... (then do it) Then become mysterious and vague and not the least bit interested in what he is doing anymore. He needs to feel and believe he may have lost you. NOT for an hour, not for a day and then you suddenly are going to dinner with him and falling back into the doormat routine.. HE needs to have an awakening that you are done and maybe have someone else that is getting your thoughts and attention.
Go back again and read RedSoxFAn's thread.... What his wife did is the way it works best. She tried and tried. He kept rejecting her. It was only when she stopped trying and was seeing someone else that he suddenly woke up...
Check out how fast he woke up and how far he was willing to go after she let go..
The male perspective is always so different but is needed.
I do believe what you say is right and I know that this is the key but I also am aware that I do get it to a point and then get it wrong whether through fear or what I don't know.
But now, these photos for example did aggravate me today to the point where I made up my mind that two could play at that game only I could play it a lot better than him. I also had the revelation that I honestly really wondered what the hell I want to keep fighting for him for, if only you could see the photos you would know what I mean. I do love him but not like that or if that is how he is going to choose to behave but still wanting me at the same time.
I have been repulsed by what I saw today in the photos and it was an awakening for me.
You will see the next phase of Oz as she detaches completely.
Seems that we have both had an awakening today Oz. Like you, I have seen something different in my H (namely that he could abandon me in this big country with no friends, family or job) and show no remorse whatsoever...
Detach is the name of our new game. Let's get that rule book out and start swotting!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
