No reply from H but then the email didnt really require one, and he'd know I wouldnt be too upset as L's passing was a blessing really for her to go be with her beloved husband.
Its amazing how H only see's my sister as a friend now and has convienantly forgotton all the stirring she has done in the past and the reasons why I dont trust one member of my family any further than I can throw them!
Anyway onwards and upwards, inspired by Nell's list I did my own last night and it was very therapeutic! so here goes!
180’s
I can control my panicking. I can deal with things on my own. Learnt that I can’t control/influence H I have survived for seven weeks on my own I have managed the finances and dealt with the bank/mortgage company I have managed not to phone H at all and leave phone contact to him I have managed not to beg, cry, fall apart when H is around I have gone for four weeks without seeing him I have applied for IT jobs whereas before I didn’t have the confidence to do so Can speak to H and not be drawn into any R conversation Can speak to H and not even ask him how he is/doing/living/is there a OW Know I matter and H is in charge of his own life/mess now
New Challenges
Coped on my own for the first time ever GAL without H Learnt to deal with things without asking H Kept the house running without help Sorted out my new phone and set it up on my own Continued to lose weight and not resorted to comfort eating Now a size ten and same weight as when got married His cat is now MY cat Got my self esteem back (well some of the time) Bought new clothes and high heels again Keep myself looking good for me now Went to the tip on my own Do new things because I want to Bought party clothes and felt sexy again Not afraid to spend time on my own
Have set myself a huge list of things to achieve this week, and some how I need to be seen to GAL in the evening, even if Im faking it a bit to start with, my only problem is that at the moment I am not working and when I finally get a job, I will have to devote three evenings a week to riding madam, that wont be seen as GAL more of having the life Ive already got!
Still keeping up the NC but Im beginning to wonder if this is being construed as "getting my own back" H is supposed to be coming up weekend after next to look after the cat whilst I am away, was contemplating putting her in the cattery because a the end of the day I am going to have to get her used to it if I am going to be on my own. But again it could be misconstrued as spite, and now H is in the clutches of the "family" believe me serious amounts of sh*t stirring will be going on. Was just going to keep NC going until after that weekend, letting him phone me and me emailing any important questions and info to him. That will have been about six weeks of doing that by the time we get to that weekend, and I dont think its making a heck of a lot of difference!
This is a bit of a mixed bag of ramblings today, more getting thoughts down on paper so to speak.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
