Stuck- a) why the heck are we up so late? and b) you really think it is that simple? It is totally glossed over that she cheated on him while they were together and he goes on to take responsibility for her doing that...(I'm still not buying that)
What I see RSF is that you are looking for answers as to how to handle the logistics of your separation. No matter what anyone says, the emotional stuff takes time and even when you've detached, it is still intense and there are ups and downs. In my sitch, I am trying to figure out how to handle money and cooperation issues with H. I can see from his FB page that he has married status on there + pictures with other women and one in particular who I saw texting him on his phone the other day and is now posting requesting he take his shirt off, talk in that deep voice of his, blah blah blah...just when I think I'm detached, well, I am to an extent because I am completely turned off by him and his public display but I am also somewhat humiliated and wanting to just cut all ties completely regardless of the fact that we have kids together and that I want it to be amicable.
So, that was my long, self-centered way of relating and saying that I understand that in theory, detaching and doing our own thing is simple but in practice, it is much more complicated.
In your sitch, I think she has a right to live her own life and you have a right to support her to the extent that you would if you were divorced (not a bit more). I would get real clear on that. Make an agreement that will be equal to what you would agree to in the case of D. You are also setting a precedent here. I don't buy that you deserve to sit back and finance her being with OM...no way. I wouldn't expect that from my H. I expect him to give me what he would give me in a divorce settlement...that's all (and no I never cheated on him while we were together)...the past is not the point. Plus, as long as you are bearing 75% responsibility, she is going to agree with you and continue to see you as the a**hole who is responsible and she has no culpability. No, at a certain point, you are two adults making decisions. If she doesn't want to be with you and give it a shot (which I understand), then she should accept the consequences that come with that decision. That's just IMO.
