I just got back from my drive, and between that and the cold, I'm brain dead. I will respond at greater length tomorrow. For now, tho, I'd stay with the NC. H and I were NC for vast stretches of time and I think, leaving our adventures with OPs aside, that the time away was GOOD for us. It allowed us to solidify as separate, independent, well-adjusted people.
Here's another of my 'patience' mantra, in case it helps. I told myself that if these days in the house with H were the last ones I was ever going to spend with him, then gosh darnit, I was going to enjoy them just as they were and not do anything to spoil them (meaning pushing, being angsty, angry, sad, resentful, etc.) I wasn't perfect for sure - my rants and vents here show that - but I do think the overall attitude helped.
Not meant as a 2x4, but from a place of caring - use the time away to work on the stuff that makes you get impatient and push. The times when H gave the most ground or came the closest were the times when I completely let go of whatever it was I was wanting or pushing for.
As far as OW, the only time I ever even mentioned her or their R was the time I told him it hurt me when he talked about her in front of me. Other than that, I pretended she didn't exist. We've also not had a single R talk in the time I've been here.
Ok - more later! Hang in there.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
