First Piecing Thread

[MrBond]

H4U,

I'm glad to hear you are coming through this great. I mentioned before that your W and my W are very similar. Right now she's in the cold, distant phase but I'm seeing more of her old self emerge.

Is that how it was in your sitch? Did you try flirting with your W when you saw her softening?

[Hope4us]

She put her rings back on.

And it's kind of a funny story. We went for a drive yesterday and ended up at our favorite winery. We sat out on the patio enjoying a beautiful afternoon while having a glass of our favorite wine. I looked at W and said "last weekend you told me you were going to put your wedding rings back on" and W smiled and said "yeah, I was going to, but I went to get them and they were buried in my jewelry box which is under another box that I couldn't lift off, so when we get home if you'll lift that box off, I'll put them back on". I almost got sarcastic and said "If I'll move the box"?, but I didn't.

So when we got home we went upstairs and I moved the box and she got them out and put them on. I was kind of disappointed because I wanted to put them on her fingers, but she beat me to the punch. But that's ok. They're on her fingers and the sight almost brings tears to my eyes.

We had some really nice conversations and for a little bit had some A discussions. Not the heavy stuff, but we talked about the one dik at W's work that is having an A with a woman that also works there. This woman's H also works there and recently someone in his work area put some graffiti up questioning his manhood because he's letting this guy sc*ew his wife. So we talked about that and I told her if I was the guy that was having an affair with this lady and her H worked there, I would watch my back. I then said "ya know, it was a very good thing in our sitch that OM moved 250 miles away before I found out because extreme violent thoughts involving a ball bat were going through my head when I did". W said "I know".

We talked about a number of things like that. I'm becoming encouraged that W will open up to me and answer my questions when the time comes, but I'm not going to go Spanish Inquisition on her and scare her away. I plan on just letting these things come up in the course of normal conversation and then ask just a few questions at a time so I don't over load her.

We stopped and got pizza and came home and watched the OSU-USC game which broke our hearts. But at least the Buckeyes were in it to the end. I know there are no medals for second place, but it was a he!! of a lot better than a blowout! We went to bed and And man was it hot!

Have a lot to accomplish today before leaving again tonight for a week out of town for work. I really don't want to go, but what ya gonna do?

[Hope4us]

H4U,

I'm glad to hear you are coming through this great. I mentioned before that your W and my W are very similar. Right now she's in the cold, distant phase but I'm seeing more of her old self emerge.

Is that how it was in your sitch? Did you try flirting with your W when you saw her softening?

Hey Stuck, thanks for stopping by.

Hmmmm, lets see. I have looked in on your sitch from time to time but I don't remember it very well. I'll take a look at it and get up to speed while I'm out of town this week, but yes, I did start to flirt when I saw her softening.

She was in an extremely cold place for a good 2-3 months after I exposed to the kids. And when she finally started talking to me again, it was a good 2-3 more months until I felt comfortable enough to begin trying to "draw her back in" as Coach says.

I was VERY careful to make sure she was in the mood to receive the flirting and if I did flirt and she made it obvious that I had misread her mood, I backed off immediately. And I started with just very minor flirting. I would walk past her and just lightly brush her on an arm or leg or where ever. Make comments about how great she looked and leave it at that.

Then as I started to see more signs of her old self, I started ramping up the flirting and body contact. I started resting my hand on her leg while we were driving. I could tell if she was in the mood to receive more because if she was, she'd put her hand close to my hand on her leg and ever so slowly move her hand so there was hand contact. If she didn't, shortly after that I would do something that required that hand and then remove it from her leg and not put it back.

I think the key is to let her drive how much and when the flirting, body contact, etc happens. And NEVER let her see you're disappointed that there's not more. NEVER!

I'll check out your sitch when I have time and offer my opinions.

Thanks for stopping in.

[givingitmyall]

Hope4us,

The rings are a big deal. That's great.

I am following your thread, even if I don't have much to add right now.

[MrBond]

Thanks H4U.

I'd appreciate it. It really is like fencing where you have to strike at the right moment. Then parry and dodge when they're not in the right mood.

Since you and I are very similar, I'd love any insight you have.

Thanks! And again, Congratulations.

[Hope4us]

Replied on your thread Stuck.

I appreciate the comments.

[Hope4us]

Hope4us,

The rings are a big deal. That's great.

I am following your thread, even if I don't have much to add right now.

Thanks GIMA. The rings are a big deal to me. Yesterday we gave our puppy a bath and of course she took her rings off while we were doing that and I was wondering if she would put them back on after we were finished, and she did!

Later in the day when I finished doing the yard work before leaving town for work, W was out on the deck having a smoke and she was sitting there feeling her wedding rings while staring down at the deck. I'm sure it's very emotional for her to have them on after all we've been through. I'm looking forward to this Friday when I return home to see if she still has them on.

I also wonder if she'll get any comments at work as it's been 2 years since she wore the rings. And if she does get any comments, will she tell me?

Gotta run. Talk to ya later.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She put her rings back on.

Wow. Kinda puts the Buckeye loss in perspective, doesn't it.

I'm so happy for you guys, H4U. That's huge. Although my wife and I are getting along better than at any time in the past two years, and even been ML lately, she still hasn't put hers back on. She says "I don't want to get people's hopes up," meaning mainly her parents and our kids.

Puppy

[whatdidido]

I'm so happy for you, Hope. I know you have been waiting for that for a long time. I put my rings back on early on, and still have them on, but I think you and your wife are closer emotionally than my H and I. I wish my H would work as hard as you in the "wooing" department.

And, Puppy. She's cautious, and she wants it to really mean everything she wants it to mean. I think we can all take something from Hope's patience. It DOES pay off.

[Hope4us]

She put her rings back on.

Wow. Kinda puts the Buckeye loss in perspective, doesn't it.

I'm so happy for you guys, H4U. That's huge. Although my wife and I are getting along better than at any time in the past two years, and even been ML lately, she still hasn't put hers back on. She says "I don't want to get people's hopes up," meaning mainly her parents and our kids.

Puppy

Thanks Pup. I kind of agree with what WDID said. And I think that was part of what was holding my W back from wearing her's. Didn't want to do that unless she was sure.

And I know this is somewhat different from your sitch, but I've thought recently about you and your W and how lately it sounds like you guys are like my aunt and uncle (at least lately). They were married for quite a few years and divorced because they didn't get along. They lived apart for a while and then got back together, remarried and couldn't stand each other. Got divorced again. Few years later, got back together and have lived together since without remarrying. And they're completely happy.

It's almost like because they're not married and are together by choice, that they treat each other better. Now I know you and your W just separated, but do you think there's something with your W being "free" that allows her to be more "with" you?

And yeah, Bucks losing just didn't have the same sting as it normally has.