I came home tonight apprx 10:00 after being gone most of the day in the next town. As the saying goes, lights on nobody home! Literally all the lights were on in the main part of the house. The hard part for me is before all this started, H never wanted to go anywhere. He was content to stay home and watch TV/Movie and ordering pizza, picking up Chinese, or BBQing. I always wanted to go out and do something more. Now that this has been going on, he goes out. Grrrrr!!!!
I wonder if this is where the teenager part of it plays in. We could be out having fun like I always wanted to do. Now skank is the one that gets to do it.
All the way home I was hoping he would be here. I turn the corner to our street, nope SUV gone. He's out in the SUV we picked out together, wearing the clothes I always bought him. He just doesn't get it. He could care less. When GOD when? I guess in HIS timing wasn't tonight.
I had the opposite. I came home the other night with the kids and all the lights in the main part of the house were off but somebody WAS home! He was just down in his cave. So strange.
I have always been the homebody but as of the last few months that has changed quite a bit, a lot for the kids' sake, but it has been good for me.
Keep going strong. Hope you are having a good day today!
Isn't it weird how they have a cave. Here it is the Den just off the livingroom. There is no door, just a big arch opening. He sits there in front of his computer or watches the TV that's in there. Then all of a sudden, he's up, gets cleaned up, and out the door. Must be when skank texts him. "Come on over lover boy, where I can take care of you and get you away from that mean wife of yours!" I am getting so tired of this. Sometimes I feel like whatever, go be with the skank you poor pitiful person. Then you can be pitiful together.
Today I can hear him in the Den shuffling papers around. I was wondering if he may be getting his financial statements together. But then why wouldn't he have done that yesterday when I was gone all day. I wonder if she is pressuring him again. He hates to be pressured by anyone though. So I will sit quietly and let her do herself in. The nicer I treat him, the more he wants to get away. Must be what they mean by killing them with kindness. But what about you attract more Bee's with honey than you do vinegar?
I am having this overwhelming desire today to reply to that stupid projection letter of his. I would like to say... " I feel bad for you that you feel that way, and my heart goes out to you." And for the part when he says " I know you want to put all this behind us, and pretend it never happened, but it will never be with me." I want to say. " Your right, it will never be with you. Don't you think I have more respect for myself than to be with you after you've been with a skank!" If only I could get my heart and head in agreement. I can't believe how into himself he is! Everybody wants him!! Ya ya!
Hey MJ, I found this very interesting...about u wanting to go out & now he wants to go out & do stuff!!! Ha! Me too.... Always wanted to go out & do stuff & now he likes to & WANTs to go out!!! Grrrrr!!!
I am so down right now, and am hoping my friends on here can pull me up again...
This afternoon H and I watched a movie together, and had nice conversation. He was even on the floor playing with the dog. Then he left on the Harley. While he was gone, I decided to work on my lesson plans. I made a mistake, needed some white-out, and went into the Den to get it. That's when I noticed the locking briefcase where he's been keeping all the stuff that has to do with the D. It's been in the guest room where he sleeps for months. He must have moved it to the Den yesterday while I was gone to work on the papers. Looks like ow is winning out. The letter last week, and now it looks like he's moving it forward. I am so distraught right now. I've been DBing for months. I've been praying so hard.
Also I saw some pins that you pick up at motorcycle rally's that you collect. Must have been where H, ow, and my former friends all went on that trip together. It hurts when I think he brought her instead of me. Not to mention the friends he was with. The friends I told that I think there is ow. They sympathyzed with me, and then carried on with her.
He came back within thirty minutes. He had gone to the store. He even bought me something I wanted.
I feel so close to breaking soon. I can't do that though. I don't want to do a backward slide.
I'm so sorry to hear about your day. I know that the roller coaster ride just never ends....its the most frustrating after having a "good" time with WAS. I don't know what to tell you right now...but, hang on...you're doing so well...
Just remember this is a difficult journey....we are going to have bad days...that hopefully will become just bad...moments...
You are in my prayers and thoughts MJ. I am so tired from the drive and just...everything...but will connect with you tomorrow as I have the day off of work. Need to sleep now. Don't worry about the OW... Just focus on you.
You are not competeing with her. She has very big shoes to fill...if that is what she is trying to do..and unfortunately she is starting that journey off on the wrong foot...I think these R fizzle out...in the long run. I mean this is a compensation Relationship that H started at his worst.
AND......As he is having trouble with the R he started when at his best....one has to wonder how long this one will last!
Will check in tomorrow morning. Have a good Monday!!
Thanks for the comforting words, I know how tired you must be.
I also got to wondering if maybe the friends who all went on that trip together might be pushing it also. They must have all had so much fun together. These were two couples who we met and started riding together about three years ago. When this all started H would go out on the bike and leave me behind. Then somewhere along the line he brought her along. I have such a hard time believing they did this to me. They were around when we started noticing H acting funny and they were consoling me. It's like oh well! I couldn't do this to one of them!
Sorry you are feeling down and have all that going on! And you just can't figure these people out - here he is being nice to you one minute and then the letter, the briefcase, etc. Then he is nice again.
Will keep you in my prayers. Have a good day at work Monday!! It is late and I am fading fast . . .
Yesterday afternoon H went to the store and brought back stuff to make Root Beer Floats. He made them for us last night. I think I'm starting to go crazy. I wonder if you can bring your laptop to the Looney Bin.
Today when H brought in the mail, there was a large manilla envelope from my attorneys office. Does it ever end? Do you receive a court date like that? Or would your attorney call you? I haven't opened it yet.
I feel I am losing ground. That MLC H and skank are going to get this D. (sigh)
I am trying so hard to keep the FAITH. I feel like GOD pointed me in this direction long ago to stand for my marriage.
I will continue to be STRONG (although I have had some weak times lately) I will continue to pray for our M and that my H turns his life around before this D happens. It almost feels like a race to see who wins. MLC H w/skank, or the restoration of our M.
Well, I'm sorry about these endless days of trials for you.
The one thing I hated was getting mail from the lawyer...Geez, that is such a roller coaster all on its own...as if you ever have a moment that you forget that you are going thru this.....getting anything from the lawyer just shoved the entire situation in my face....so I totally know where you are at right now and how you must be feeling. I am still waiting on the final divorce papers coming to me in the mail...EEK!
Unfortunately, I did get my court date in the mail. But, I don't know if everyone does...
Listen up MJ...If that is what it is....I swear the only thing that has gotten me thru this entire fiasco is just focusing on myself and reminding myself over and over again that I am more than my marriage and I am the one who is responsible for my happiness...not H....not anyone else, but me.
Otherwise, honey, take a deep breath and open away! There is something empowering about going thru this entire process and keeping your dignity about you. Its the fact that you are facing ur worst fears....ever. I know you can do this....you have been amazing dealing with the OW. How can a woman do this to another woman....but, beyond that....its NOT her...its his MLC and you, my friend, get the privelage of being a lone sane person amongst the loonies!
Doesn't mean we don't slide back...God only knows, how many times I have sat and just cried my eyes out....did it last night, when I realized I was sleeping alone, a divorced woman. I would never be that girl who believed in a prince charming again. I know its WRONG to believe in them....mainly cuz they are fictional...but, geez ignorance is bliss and I almost miss that naive girl....
Then I become sane and realize the woman is much better than the girl and Thank the Lord I have been given the ability to evolve into this more authentic me. And that I am able to care for myself and not depend on any man. That is a very good feeling.
Ok. I know I have rambled on....hope you are having an ok day.
Literally all the lights were on in the main part of the house. The hard part for me is before all this started, H never wanted to go anywhere. He was content to stay home and watch TV/Movie and ordering pizza, picking up Chinese, or BBQing. I always wanted to go out and do something more. Now that this has been going on, he goes out. Grrrrr!!!!
We could be out having fun like I always wanted to do. Now skank is the one that gets to do it. 
