Well, H signed the D papers this afternoon and I am going to retain my attorney tomorrow. Had thought there was a small opening but that has closed. H is now trying to be my buddy, saying we can D as friends and we are different than others and H wants to live together until divorce is final and than he is going to leave for Montreal.
Being H is not going to leave, I am strongly thinking about moving out, possible to an extended stay hotel so I've got a small kitchen and a space to use computer, etc. To stop the direction of trying to save my marriage, trying to hope and to try and start my new life as positively as I can.
I am kind of ashamed but I do not have any really close friends so (with the exception of family and a couple of casual friends) I find myself for the first time facing life utterly alone. Yes, there is some sense of excitement - on the other hand it so scary. I know all have been through and it can be done but darn I just cannot believe I'm at this point.
H is still in denial about all that is about to transpire and the dread and reality that I have been trying to keep at bay is HERE!!!
Words of encouragement or thoughts on me moving out until divorce is final would be greatly appreciated. I have no plans to drag out divorce and do not want ugliness but H just being so casual and non-plused by this is upsetting.
Do they understand the consequences? For the first time yesterday, after the lead up to D papers being signed, I could see the emotional/control abuse and I think H believes if he had to come back he could convince me to come back.
Anyway, things may not be as I had hoped but I will make it and again any advice (please hard cold truth) is more than needed.
Take care, Michele
M 42 H 41 M 16 yrs. Together 23 yrs. D papers filed by H 9/13/09 One cat about to be in a single parent household, will never be able to rub enough...
