Hi WL, I was just stopping by to say hi. Heard from W lately?
yeah, like always we talk alot... had a talk with the coach and she suggests keeping open contact with W and let her open up on her own. keep validating and work on a few things we disscussed... (long story short for right now) I just kept GALing hanging out with friends all weekend and tons of time on my motorcycle which with this weather is what i drive everywhere. the texts from W have been increasing everyday. sunday I picked up W at her apt. on the bike (she even invited me in while i waited for her to get ready) then we went to the fair (ran in to her brother.. I was hanging with earlier in the day) and then went out to meet some of my friends who were at the bars. they left the first bar so we went to another one (just missed them there but ran into brother inlaw again) then we went to the first bar again as the friends went back there and ran into brother inlaw again LOL
we both had so much fun. kissed a few times during the night. then dropping her off I stayed on the bike just to show her i was not expecting anything else. she had me call her when I got home to make sure i made it safe.
several texts were exchanged today where she thanked me for last night.
right now its a bit strange. almost like we are dating but not really a "date" just having fun hanging out. there was some talk at the fair and her thought on how she wishes things were not this messed up. but i refrained from probing into the thoughts more I just validated, let her say what she felt like saying and we talked about other random things.
That sounds like a lot of fun! Im glad that things are going well right now. I wonder if its nice for her to spend a little bit of time with folks her own age! It sounds like you are doing well, so I hope that you can keep doing whats working!
My H will be here in 15 hrs... Not that Im counting... I hope that we can have as good of a time as you two did.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I hope you two have fun too and im sure you will. Im not putting much hope into this though because of how she has proven her self befor. it will only be a matter of time on this rollercoaster. Im just going to keep doing what the coach wants me to do hope to level out the up/dn and I hope I can have a success story to post. I guess the only thing i do know is every time she seems to open up a little more which is prob good start IMOP
well Im a little fustrated but not too bad i guess bored right now more than anything so my mind starts thinking of W again
so I guess as for another update she has gotten more distant again IDK why other than the rollercoaster most of us LBS end up on with our WAS.
she did decide she wants the kids to spend the night now and then she wants to go to the free zoo with her friend and her friends son and father tomarrow. which I guess is a step in the right direction.
Im not sure where she is sitting thought wise but there is a big part of me that wants to set my foot down and tell her look either your in our lives or your not! you need to make up your mind. but im just not sure if its time yet. when she talks about crying and missing us and screwing up I feel like she is in the right thought proccess to see the big picture but days like today and yesterday ect. i think she is not there and i would only scare her away
they other idea is maybe i would scare her away at first and like a few other threads once that point is crossed then they sit with the thought ooh what did i just do? and they stop at nothing to come back.
well she is still acting distant and when she dropped the kids off today she hugged me and then at a moment where we normally would have leaned in and kissed she said "im not kissing you" WTF ? where this came from i have no idea threw me off a bit
well the only thing i can think of is i told her i wanted to talk and she got upset and said about what and i told her well we need to talk about the kids. the girls dont have school in a couple weeks and we need to talk about the kids. she seems very reluctant for even that talk maybe this has her in defence mode?
well we had talked about going to six flags a few times this summer (while she was still with OM) and after some thinking (how we are to remove all the reasons the WAS left IE me not going on fun outings such as sixflags)
so i got bold and invited her to go this week. she said in a joking manner i dont have to bribe her to talk to me..
i told her how i got a really good deal on the tickets and i doubt there will be much "talking" when we are there.. maybe im setting back the DB but I cant help thinking how often I see it said in here we need to be comfortable as friends, remove the reasons for leaving and every stitch is differant and there is no set rule or time. I hope im going in the right direction but one thing i see is she jumped at the idea.
oh another note... way back she said we could not work because she would not want me talking to my friends she would not feel comfortable around them...
well i remember last week we were hanging out with my friends and when she picked up the kids saturday she got them at my other friends house. she even got out of her van held a puppie and talked to me for a long time there... sure seems like she is comfortable around them now???? maybe im reading too much into this IDK or maybe these babie steps are what we need to move forward
well last night i was getting everything setup kids taken care of for our event and then I went and looked at the park times and saw they are only open for 2 more days this month, so I sent a text to W telling her they will be closed and she was shocked and then she sent a text suggesting we go to another local place up north (I was thinking about this place already but was not going to bring up because of the the fact i might have already went too far) so im thinking she must want to hang out because that would have been her way out.
Hi WL, I noticed that you mentioned "when she was still with the OM", has she broken it off? I may have missed that some where along the line.
I agree that its good that she brought up an alternative instead of just bolting when she had a chance!
I think that what you are doing is working, keep it up... and if you have a set back, keep up your PMA and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
thanks BR yeah from what I see OM is done now. I think like many WAS she still talks to OM but its much more limited now.
she contacted me alot yesterday and asked a few times about the plans (she seems very excited)
she suggested I take her on my bike (Im not so sure she will be up for that long of a ride each way on it but we will see.) she has fallen asleep on it a few times so i guess its more comfortable than i would think, one of my friends says it good she feels that comfortable around me and is positive this is a step forward.
as much as i want the R talk I think I will pass on it this time. I dont want to have the day turn uncomfortable for both of us. maybe just building on new memories will do more for us right now
Sure, I would wait on it. I dont see why you would need to push it. I think that you are supposed to let her bring it up. Maybe the bike isnt that bad of an idea, you wont be pressured to talk or fill up silence! But you might be right, if its a long ride, you both might be too tired to have a very good time.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
she was texting last night and then right away today so i know she was excited to go.. I picked her up on the bike and we rode about 2 hours and i stopped and let her have a break (WOW thats a trouper for her to sit on a rocket bike that long no complaints) well I got a speeding ticket but other than that we made it up there and we went to one of the theame parks went on some roller coasters (OM i guess refuses to ride any) W also told me she is getting kicked out of the lease and moving with her parents (WTF wow she is doing so well now) then we went on the gokarts and went on the indoor water park. we had a lot of fun. although she did say she felt uncomfortable when we were in the hot tubs. I guess my daughters did tell W they were trying to get me to hook up with her friends mom so i had to laugh a little then we went to eat W was got a major migraine and while we were at there eating i called the clinic but I guess up there those things go to the hospital so we bassically didnt get to eat and i drove her to the hospital in the next town over. we spent hours there I belive 3? then we went back into town and played mini golf and then went to play this game where you have to figure out clues and such (very long game) well she had a blast we both did it was alot of work going room to room and figuring stuff out. (we laughed because I never thought i would be crawling and looking for hidden doors) well we didnt get everything figured out in the 90min time frame and the lady let us in after telling us where the missing things were (we were like WTF we knew the one opening but pushed on it wrong) W just kept saying how much fun she had there she was smiles ear to ear! and must have said that like 5 times Then we went to eat at a resourt we had stayed at a year earlier we both loved the place and talked about going back some day she thanked me for a great day again but then said "Nice friend only day!" I ended up through normal conversation found out OM was there when she started pulling back again (now is clear like in other posts i read she clearly "does not want to cheat on her BF with her husband" I found out he is not with this other girl anymore but W is not "dating him" hes just fun to be with they have so much in common I aske liek what? and got "well.... we just have lots of fun doing the same things" (so bassically nothing just lust IMOP) well drove the bike half way to my house then stopped and let her rest. I called my friend and told him how OM was still in the picture again and how upset i was I wanted to tell her we had a great day and I was done because she wont work on us ect ect, he told me just let it be.. (he does not understand why I still want us to work though) so I said fine I guess this DB stuff like BR just said tells us to let it go and let the WAS bring it up
we drove to my house and got the firebird to take her home. she asked if she could drive it home (Its a manual and she was driving my cars last summer learning but gave up why???) so I was like ok why not she was still all smiles. (oh and she said hi to my friend who she has had major major issues with since we sep. and she has said she hates him! yet another friend she now seems ok with) she checked in on the kids and we left the whole way to her place we talked just like we were two best friends well the whole day was like that! and no odd moments nothing! she wants to barrow the car but I said we would have to see (I dont want OM in my car) and ofcourse she thanked me again for the great day. we hugged and i gave her a kiss on her cheak.
I honestly dont think she was this happy in well years or IDK i mean she was just smiles all day with only a few times like the migrain and just after we got back into town up north!
but yet im so pissed thinking ok, we have so much in common, get along great, clearly can have ALOT of fun to the point she is this happy. "misses us, the fun we had and the M" so WTF gives im so upset right now!
i expected a text as i left from her though and never got one which seemed odd but as much thanking me she did maybe she figured not to.(usually she does)
*so much to take in we spent ALL day togeather so WOW stuff said that i missed writing I guess but NO fights not one tiff! so I would say again WTF how can we be such good friends yet in her mind not right??
