Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Worked all weekend at a second job I need to stay above water while separated. Talked to WAW on a couple of occasions about child care issues for the week. It's on these occasions it's as if we're still together. She needs me to do this, that, I make it happen.

Then little things happen. The D10 calls early in the day. She's having problem with D7 and overreacts. WAW is trying to clean house so she gets made and she starts yelling at D10 over the phone, saying she "can go live with daddy."

I've never said I wanted custody (although I do, but it would cause irreparable harm if we fought over it) and I've told D10 that she and her sister are staying together.

Anyway, I do my best to calm D10 down, tell her to listen to her mother and clean her room and help out around the house. I'm not sure how WAW wants me to react in these situations.

I don't know what to root for right now. I want WAW to miss and value me and my contributions to the family. But I don't want her to fall apart. I just want to be there so that when she gets too stressed she can walk away.

Last thing, and I'm not sure why I did it, but our accounts are still linked and I checked in on mine to see if my transfers went through and I checked hers. I SHOULD NOT DO THAT. I noticed she went to the liquor store at midnight on Wednesday. She asked me to take the girls that night so she could work late.

I don't know what to think. Was she out with friends? Was she with "the friend" from the county fair?

I really thought a small miracle happened two weeks ago when she called me and we talked 90 minutes and she agreed to talk once a week on the phone over lunch so the girls weren't around and we could begin to work on things.
_____________________
M: 40
W: 38
Married: 13 years
D: 10
D: 7
Bomb dropped: 2-09
Moved out: 5-09
No legal steps taken