Ok Dia, so I'm back. A brief summary..... H has ow who is an employee. H occasionally works in the business although was f/time at the commencement of the A. He doesn't live with ow and what I can establish is that he visits/stays over once or twice a week, usually coinciding with his visits to work.
H appears to be very much in selfish mode.
H has always maintained that he wants to be friends. We have maintained open communication with regards to the kids. He has shown lots of positive actions towards me-fixed things around the house, did my tax, drop in visits, family dinners, dinner with me after S's formal, visits to me in hospital, drive us to the airport etc etc. Unfortunately, these acts of service also come with major pull backs and large doses of cake eating along the way.
My problem is that I am impatient and I can keep at it for so long and then I pressure him and he retreats monumentally. Slow learner!
The advice of many has been to have nc and I can see the merit in this and have had nc for 3 weeks. That's fine and I feel better for the space. However, I'm not feeling I am making any progress. Perhaps I am; however, H is particularly stubborn and in reality I cannot see him initiating contact.
So, in reading your progress while I applaud each time there's a step forward in your relationship I also recognise it's been from your thoughtful and considered approach. Your H has simply responded along the way (and great responses, too!!)
So I wonder about your opinion given your recent experiences; do I reinitiate contact, this time being much more patient and give it one last shot or do I maintain the nc? I know that if I reinitiate contact I am going against the Gucci type advice and not forcing him to make a choice but I am also aware that if I take your tact eventually he's going to have to make a choice anyway.
