Had some discussions about various things last week. My life is changing. I am tired of the status quo.
My counselor said that STBX doesn't know what she wants. Most people who want a divorce get all their ducks in a row from the beginning. STBX has done things slowly - usually after I withdraw. For example, she took her cell phone off the plan after 6 months apart.
Last week, she finally got off the car insurance and called me to let me know, saying "So your bill will go down and you'll save money". Like she's doing ME a favor. She said that she knew I had asked her to do this 3 months ago 'so at least something is done'.
Counselor says she does this to hurt me, because she knows that each step she takes towards divorce has historically knocked me off balance and I've drank. So she can justify her actions by blaming me.
I don't do that any more. I stay calm and have a 'whatever' attitude.
I only talk to STBX maybe once a week. I never call her, I send a text.
Counselor said she's still not 'done' with me. But I need to break the cycle we've been living and get the divorce done. She also suggests I not take her calls because I need to 'cut the leash' once and for all.
If she calls, she can leave a message. If it's 'informational' I don't need to reply. If it's a request I can IM or call back if needed.
I've learned about me that I have two major issues to overcome. First, I don't trust men and I've been disconnected from the fellowship of men because of that. I've been working really hard to trust my sponsor and he's really been good for me.
Second, I feel like I need to keep pleasing women or they won't approve of me. I picked a woman who has 'daddy issues' and kept trying to please her even when I was the one needing support. I have forgiven her affair(s) because I am a kind and loving person and can see she is sick also.
So, I am working on re-kindling the warrior in me, to break this cycle we have gone through and either we will grow together, or apart.
Regardless, I will grow beyond all this.
That was the mistake I made in DB 3 years ago. I failed to finish my growth.
STBX tells people how happy she is with her life. Often.
I tell people I'm working on being better at life. Being the warrior again. The world has been living without frank_d for too long.
