That was a brave thing to do, H'mama! I just keep feeling that you need a fresh start ---- with yourself, and people you surround yourself with. I can tell that you can be so engaging, having so much to talk about, interesting and intelligent (sometimes, you would mention something --- religion, spiritual, social awareness or whatever --- and I would think later, that I wish I could chat to you about it more, but this is a relationship bb and you're a long way away from where I live).
This abandonment issue will not kick you in the buttinsky. You will not let it define who you are because it is only a teeny tiny part of your psyche, but you are letting it become this giant ogre sitting in your closet. Just let it go and not worry about R's ---- just have fun!
Well, that's my opinion. Hope it helps some.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim