I picked up "Learned Optimism" And already see that I needed this book. Turns out, I am optimistic when bad things happen, but extremely pessimistic when good things happen. Interesting. I am only partway into the book, but just the understanding it imparts on my thought process, and the way its presented speaks to me in ways other books have not.
A must have for people like K4D, I believe...(And myself...)
And you can add me to that list as well. Reading it now. And, I agree, it is a great book and has changed my outlook on everything. Thanks Coach for recommending it.
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On the one hand, though, I know where my W is currently and at least part of what she is thinking. I believe that she feels that once we get D, I'll have to support her while she retrains and goes to college. I believe that's why she got mad when I asked about it. I don't know how realistic that thinking is from her, she's not expressed interest in going back to school, etc, until contemplating a a D.
Her motivations for going back to school don't matter. It could have been that she was still "mad" from watching the mvie with you and D the prior evening. She could still be in the "I hate IWITW sooooo much" mode. Could be she is still venting her anger at you (which I think is a good thing). The reasons for it don't matter.
A side note on your W not wanting to watch the movie with you and D and her holding back her laughter. Sounds like it could have been she is witnessing before her very eyes what she is about to walk away from - you guys being happy as a family unit. And she does not want to show you ANY happiness she may still get from being together as a family doing something as small as watching a movie. That's b/c her good feelings are still there and they are fighting with her bad feelings and desire to D.
I say keep up this kind of stuff in front of her. Don't do it purposefully or in a manufactured way, but just let life happen with you and your D in front of your W. Remember, women LOVE seeing fathers play with their kids.
And as far as the going back to college thing is concerned, don't worry about why she got angry. Support this for her as a way for her to feel better about herself. Let go of the fear that she may be able to support herself better if she goes back to college (I don't think you are feeling this, but it is a common concern). If she improves her self esteem, and sees you supporting her in apursuit of being more independent (i.e., allowing her freedom), I don't see how this can be a bad thing.
