I guess what I'm saying is that if I'm too available to her now, is that a 180 to how I was before?
I think you answered your own question. You're being too available to her.
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I know that this example was pursuit - but it was also a 180. Initiating a "date", vs. my W planning it, getting the sitter, etc. And she responded positively to the idea.
Right, because you are acting like she wants/expects you to. She plans on you acting like her bff during and after the divorce. I think DBing is about throwing off their expectations and making them think.
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I was looking for a quote posted by JamesJohn back in the old days from '03, but couldn't find it. What he said though was that DBing isn't about not pursuing, it's about doing what works.
That's true, but your acting like her best friend hasn't been working too well. She's filing for D and planning on having you move out of your house. If you read DB, I would think it's time for LRT at this point.
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If I'm in another room reading a book while she's watching TV - that's more of the same. If I'm sitting there with her watching TV - that's too available. I'm just not always clear on what to do.
I agree. Instead of focusing on your GALing and DBing as to what will make her happy or whatever, you need to focus on yourself and your kids at this point.
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At some point, if I'm going to demonstrate more openness / intimacy, I need to figure out how that goes.
I think you have demonstrated a lot of openness/intimacy with your W from your posts this last month or 2. More than most marriages. With her having an A, and trying to break apart your family; I don't think you should be working on openness and intimacy with her at all at this point. If she's willing to give up her A, then that would be the time. I think you are blaming yourself way too much for your being at this point.
