GG, It's normal to get upset when triggers hit you. You're going through the grieving process and with that comes periods of sadness, crying, hurting and yes, even some depression. It takes time and it's not something you can click your fingers and have disappear. You have to work through it, not around it. With that being said, feel the pain and loss and then allow it wash over you and let it go. Each time you do this, you will become stronger.
As for wanting to grow old w/your husband...you don't know what the future holds for the both of you. After he's completed his growth period, you two just might get back together. Some divorce and then remarry, others stay friends, etc. You have to have faith, hope and patience throughout this time. No one can predict the future, but you can leave the door ajar and make your home a safe place for him to land.
G, right now, it's important that you keep the focus on you. Think about today and what you want to do and go from there. The future is too far off to even think about today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
