Thanks it's a new day! I woke up feeling much better. I think the time is coming that I should put all on the table and go for all or nothing. I either want to know it's going to work out or not so I can fully grieve for the loss & then move on. I feel stuck. I know I'm supposed to be moving on and dbing. Instead I feel frozen. Meanwhile time is marching on while I wait. I am soon going to reach out to him, if he still says no - then I will accept that and let go. I wanted to wait until I had done a good job of gal, but I've been so preoccupied with house hunting that I haven't done much of changes & improvements that are my goals. It's the lack of control that's really getting me down. I need to surrender to that gracefully and trust that what happens is meant to happen for reasons we don't always understand. Today is a new day. I am going to focus on gratefullness for that. And I'm going to look for houses to buy this morning. If this idea pans out, then all the problems I've had with LL & the apt. search will be a dark cloud with a silver lineing indeed. And side note - I'm not sorry I didn't go out. I slept very well and I saved money I'll need if I'm making a downpayment on property. :-)
