Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[cat04]

Fg,

I a so proud of you. You have really started to recognize what you need.

The kid thing. Finding myself filled with anger about that this week. My H and S, they used to be best buddies. Yes I was always too lenient according to H (I wanted S to be kid, not mini adult or robot). It wasn't a huge issue, in terms it didn't cause arguments, H will not say S is bad kid, just that S has little respect for me. On a dictator type of level, H is right. And now that S is a little older, that is something that we are working on. But I let my mind wander there. I have almost been wishing I left it in the toilet the other day, or in the gutter that Mach and Trapt suggested LOL.

I have detatched myself from H. I am not bothered by his actions anymore or even wonder about them really, in fact, usually I just sit back and watch with twisted amusement at whatever he is going through. Realizing that some of this stuff, I may just have to accept as a part of him and not the MLC down the road (Uggh...) But the thing with my S, well that makes my blood boil in ways I didn't think were possible. It also breaks my heart. I am afraid it is what may be my undoing down the road. I feel that I can only watch so much.

Funny, Snodderly and others have said that they detatch from us first, then others, with the exception of much of H's family, I have seen that. First MIL (sort of), aunts and uncles, although reconnection or connection with cousins he had lost much touch with for so long, then me, then the bringing in of new friends and old friends from childhood. Then the new friends seemed to fade, attempted reconnection with mother (failed now seeming acceptance), still spew at me, then detatchment from S. That has just been these last 5 months or so. Yes they had a blow up that seemed to trigger the distance, and there are single days of normal behavior but not enough to matter IMO.

Yes guys, I realize it is all part of it. I know and I know there is nothing I can do about it, even if I may want to. And this is where I am having my issues. I don't let him get away with too much but I also don't try to force him to do anything he doesn't want to as far as parenting. I have tried that round about approach and that is usually when something happens. Although I did think I was seeing something moving toward a reconnection between them, I really am not sure as H is still in his all blinding bubble apparantly. We will see.

I am just beginning to wonder if I can accept H as this type of father in the long run, because that is the one thing that I always was able to love about him, to delight in, to respect, no matter what else happened, and now that is gone.