Update...did I blow it? probably but enough is enough.
I got online after a hot bubble bath because i couldnt find a movie i could sit still thru. I chatted with a couple of friends for a bit. yes my H came up but nothing really bad or serious, just mentioned. Well I am also a gamer, and an MMORPG game i used to play with my H came up in conversation. So I decided to reactivate my acct and log into the game.
FLASHBACK: several times since i quit the game for health reasons in april, i have mentioned wanting to try playing again, my H always talked me out of it saying i didnt need the stress. Last time was end of june.
FASTFORWARD TO TODAY: I log into the game and my private messages go thru the roof, so many i cant keep up, telling me how sorry they are. Well my first reaction was..how did you know? I havent been on in months. So I start talking to my friends in game and tell them briefly what is going on. Still confused mind you on how they even knew anything. SO I log out for a bit and go to a chat program to talk to one of my very close friends from game who is also a therapist. She tells me the same thing you guys do, leave him alone. No problem. I log back into game. the a get another PM asking me if my H is on yet?...huh? he doesnt play. Well yes he does, and he changed his character name as well. he did WHAT??? ok , so now more friends are sendiung msgs. and they are definitely taking sides. Ok, well most of them are my age and that happens. So i start to play the game, then i realize many of my in-game assets are missing off my acct. So i call someone else who used to play and ask about my H acct. She has no idea, she will ask him. No problem. Well , then i find out that he changed the name long before he said his affair started. Hmmm really now. and why talk me out of playing the game. Well after a while of listening to all this and reading emails from various ppl over the months I decide to log back out. Enough is enough right? Wrong, its just starting. he went NUCLEAR becaue i 1:started the game back up and 2: didnt cover for him. o NOW he has me blocked again, has all our mutual friends blocked again. And i snapped. i sent him a txt saying that I was in game and seems our stories arent matching up, you play your game and i'll play mine. That prompts him to start deleting ppl off his profile. Well , one of our friends calls me crying because he was blaming HER for me finding out he played the game still. Oh no. We're not doing this. So i sent another txt tellig him to grow the (bad word) up and that she had NOTHING to do with it, and he can block me all he wants because he cant face me anyway and good luck. Then i told him who did tell me everything, yea let him think about that for a bit. >< Because he has NO CONTACT with the person that told me! NONE.
So did I handle this badly, yea probably. Do i care. No not really. this was really stupid. He gets mad because I start a game back up and expose him. Well < im not the least sorry for it. i didnt make this mess and Im not cleaning it up either. Im pretty sure he will go dark and thats fine because I have heard so many lies he told today im sick over it. I dont want to talk to him until he can man up a little. not much, just a little at first. if it takes him 6 months, so be it. Im not calling him. This drama today was so unnecessary. Over a GAME? Since when am I not allowed to play a game?
Anyway, i backslid much farther this time Im afraid. Probably take 4 times as long to come back from it, as far as communication goes. But he needs to know that I will NOT cover for him , and I will do what I want with my life whether he is in it or not.
Am I angry? Damn right I am. This was so stupid. Do I know if he will continue to play? I dont know. I didnt start it back up knowing he was playing. He was supposed to have quit when I did, but instead he changed his name? mhmm So for now, Im going to take care of myself, have fun, when I have the energy and live my life. if he contacts me, i'll consider answering. if he doesnt.....well I havent gotten that far yet. We'll cross that bridge later.
thanks for listening to me vent, feel free to tell me how i SHOULD have handled this. Going dark is my only option right now, Im too disgusted to talk to him.
Do I want a divorce...no...I want him to grow up! Being truthful would be a fantastic and new thing for him. What a way to end the day huh? its almost 4 am here, i was so angry i was crying and shaking. I decided to journal/update so i can get some rest.
Dusk
Edit: Thinking about it all, i was thinking , should I have sent the txts. Well, in my opinion, yes . Because it wasnt the txts that made him angry, it was me reactivating my game and telling ppl what really is going on. Does his gf play or someone else? No idea, nobody would dare tell me anyway, I might declare a war on them and kill them everytime they tried to play. its a game. Now what I really want to do is to send him a msgs telling him what a lying jerk he is, but you know what? As MUCH as he has lied to me...i know he;s lying to her as well. And eventually, it will come out. Im sure he;s worried his gf will find out fomr me or one of my friends, Well Im not talking to her, let her find out on her own.
Ok I know this is long, sry guys, and I dont think i used paragraphs. Well, i made an attempt at them.
