Therapist spent quite a good bit of the time on Fri focusing on the damage done to the kids.
I swear this is the bit that just breaks me up.
H came home early Weds-Fri. An hour early. Wassup?The kids don`t run out to him anymore. He doesn`t rush into see them either. But when he comes into the room they do acknowledge him of course(yeah, sounds very sad). I was with them on Fri evening for that. DS12 chatting to H, H responding monosyllabically, D9 observing. H sits on sofa and closes his eyes. Not asleep really but kids shut out. They go back to watching TV.
He might do something really big-take them all for Chinese, go fishing for one day then nothing at all for weeks. He has complained about the amount of golf DS14 plays(I`m glad D is out of the house for his sake)D14 palys with other guys and THEIR fathers-H has taken him golfing twice this YEAR.
I`ve set boundaries for me with H and it has worked. I`ve stopped controlling him and that has been good for me too. I don`t ask him to do anything in the house or with the kids but now I think I need to set boundaries there too. He needs to learn to be the father he never had(father alcoholic wife beater). Yeah, its too late, but he needs to do little things along that road.
He`s busy showing me lately that we have utterly different values in our rearing of the kids. "You closetted D14 too much""Its okay for your niece to sleep with two different guys"
Scary!
I`m reckoning its part of his`we should never have married routine` and also getting me angry over kids as he`s had no success with engaging me in battle since I started to DB.He`s already used them as a threat against me("I`m going to tell them all about us right now!")
So I`ve to play this game smart too.
This week I`m going to ask him to do something with each of the kids-nothing preplanned, just a "could you please help ___ with homework/collect from football" whatever. and if he`s snappy with the kids(as he is) I`m going to intervene.Calmly of course!
My biggest worry re S was that it would damage the kids. Stay together for the sake of the kids etc.Now I wonder if sticking this as long as I have hasn`t damaged them more.
