Yeah, thank you - I was feeling something similar about it, but my thoughts aren't clear... still trying to get my head around - she wants that intimicay, said before all this that she wants my attention. This is the way it used to be she'd ask, do you want to go out, and I'd want to stay home. I guess what I'm saying is that if I'm too available to her now, is that a 180 to how I was before?
I know that this example was pursuit - but it was also a 180. Initiating a "date", vs. my W planning it, getting the sitter, etc. And she responded positively to the idea.
I was looking for a quote posted by JamesJohn back in the old days from '03, but couldn't find it. What he said though was that DBing isn't about not pursuing, it's about doing what works. The question in my head now is that, if W and I go out together, without the kids, does that accomplish anything? I'm not sure.
If I'm in another room reading a book while she's watching TV - that's more of the same. If I'm sitting there with her watching TV - that's too available. I'm just not always clear on what to do.
At some point, if I'm going to demonstrate more openness / intimacy, I need to figure out how that goes.
But I think the heart of the matter is, not focusing on her. I think you're right about GALing. I had a chance to go out with a buddy tonight, but was too tired. Still catching up on sleep. But, I think it would be a good idea to get up and go to church in the morning. Then maybe stay out for awhile. But you're right - she seeks me out when she feels that she misses me. And I like to be home - I'm always right here.
So, yeah, a good 180 from pre-bomb days is to go out by myself / with friends. Like she's been doing.
GIMA, thank you for the input. I'm still finding my way here.
