UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks Dudess and Cas - your words are comforting and I know that they are so right ...

I have been out and done some more gardening to work off my frustrations. I have to stick this out and not rise to his bait. If I show him that I really don't care, then just MAYBE it will get to him in a while. It's just that my patience is at a low ebb and, the more I try to be patient, the more I feel that he is moving further away - maybe I should just start to accept that it is over.

I was talking to an old neighbour of ours today and he said "it really doesn't sound good" and my heart sank even further.

I'm tired, my body aches from doing all the extra stuff around the home and garden - I'm exhausted emotionally and there's not really anyone that can pick me up, as H always would have at times when I felt this way. I just feel like I'm running out of all my reserves. My self esteem is pretty low.

I do see the value in your Gucci quote, Dudess and I wish that I could truly feel that way in my heart but right now I'm still in fake it mode because, try as I might, I love my husband and I can't (and don't really want to) let go. I only wish that I could because I DO deserve better than he is handing down.

I'm really struggling with how we could be M one day and the next the whole world is tipped upside down and he wants nothing more to do with me - what's that all about? This is a man who said that he wanted us to be friends and do things together ... where's my opportunity to do that then when he doesn't want to speak to me??

I think that we need to clarify lots of things but how to go about that? He has kept me up to date with his email address changing but as I went nc for a while, I don't know how to redress the balance now and start to make 'little goals' ... I don't know whether it's best to stay no/minimal contact but I really don't see anything working here. He's done and moving on ... I don't think that whatever I say or do is going to change that.