I've been doing pretty good with the detachment issue recently. Then suddenly tonight I am miserable. I feel sick missing Marky. I was already in that frame of mind and then I did a stupid thing - I read his horoscope. Today & tomorrow it's all new love, new person in your life, you're thinking about a new relationship.. blah blah. How dumb is that? A horoscope and I am a fricking mess. My chest is burning, my eyes are tearing. I wanted to text him right away but that would be too weird to send him something out of the blue at midnight. Took me by surprise how powerful the emotion still is. I just want to curl up and cry. I was supposed to meet friends out but I feel immobilized & depressed. Wasn't just the horoscope, I was already approaching this place. But reading that did smack me down. This is the horoscope that I always thought fit him so well. It was right on during his illness about his crankiness and during our split it was accurate too. I don't want him to meet someone. This is crazy. I am on the verge of a full blown tantrum. I feel like I have a knife in my chest. Is this normal 7 months out? I thought the worst was behind me. I am feeling very alone and pathetic. My friends are blocks away at a party and I am home in tears. The helplessness of it all is just overwhelming. It just seems like there must be something I can do to fix us, but it's not in my control and that's so hard. I know this moment will pass and I will go on. But right now I am wallowing in a pity party of heartbroken agony. I'm under a lot of pressure and the past couple weeks have been very emotional. I'm probably just cracking up a bit from the strain.
