How do you wait this out?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((GG)))

For pete's sake, give yourself some slack!! I too have been struggling lately with feelings that I had thought I got beyond. Asking myself why was I having such a hard time letting go when I don't want the man my STBXH is now, and looking back, I see the issues we had in our M that H never wanted to address (and still doesn't) so I don't want that M back either (although I do sincerely and deeply feel that we could be happy together if he was only willing).

My C helped me to see that what I am mourning is the loss of the future I (and my H) had agreed on and been working toward for the past 28 years! Of course that is not going to be easy, and it will take time......a lot of time. My C told me that it take at least two years to get through grieving at least. So, please try to remember to be kind to yourself!

And I know how you feel too about plans and houses and such. My H always wanted to have land, and 4 years before the bomb, we had bought 40 acres up on a mountain, with panoramic views. We spent the last 3 years of our M building our "dream house" up there (picked out the granite, all wood flooring, stainless appliances........). Now he is keeping that house (and his new GF is up there all the time with him working on the finishing touches). And I am here in the house we actually lived in, which needs remodeling desperately because all our funds went into building that dream. And my kids are now out of the house (my S18 having his own MLC and has moved in with friends and not going to school....). And I often feel like the one left behind to rebuild after everyone else has aboned ship!!

But, ya know what? I am coming to feel a certain amount of pride in the fact that I am here. I have come to see it as I did not abandon our home/family. I am here and will make this place mine. I raised my kids here. Re-building this place will be part of re-building myself, sort of.

Getting here took a long time, and I still cry almost daily. But, they now feel more like cleansing tears as opposed to tears of heartbreak. So, hang in there, GG. And remember, you don't have to live your whole life right this minute. Try to let the future take care of itself. You only need to live each moment...... which is good because that is really where life truly is...... in the moment!

Take care.

(((((hugs)))))

Oh, and my H was in the Navy too.....for 22 years......and I grew up in the San Diego area!