GG, I asked myself those same questions today. I saw it coming. I told my husband it was going to happen. He promised me he would never do that to me...and he did it anyway. It is something that they (and we) have to go through.
You are going to go through the grieving process...just like you would do if someone who you love had died. Go through it. Go through all of the phases. It will take you months to go through each phase and in a couple of years...you will feel stronger. Your marriage may not be completely where you want it to be but you will be strong enough to handle what is happening.
I believe that BND told you to act as if your husband has gone to IRAQ. That is really a wonderful way to look at it. If he had gone to IRAQ you probably wouldn't fight or argue with him when he e-mailed you or called you. You would probably put on your best smile and best attitude and be loving, considerate, kind...the best that you could be. AND you would probably pray for him everyday and several times a day.
Picture yourself doing that for the next four years. It's hard. But you can do it. AND while you are praying for your husband...be sure to pray for yourself as well. You can do it.
