UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks Oz and Cas ... I am in a quandry and don't know which way to turn next.

I sent a text last night and said that I would appreciate it if he could get the information re the insurance to me ASAP - that was all.

I got up this morning to an email, which he must have sent immediately upon getting the text, to say that he can't do it until Monday. Now, this leaves me with two anxieties.

1) H is evidently interstate visiting ow this weekend, which has just raised my nausea level into overdrive once again. I was coping with not knowing which weeekends he was away but this has shaken me for the day.

2) I want him to stop indicating when he's with ow as it makes me feel so bad. If I tell him to stop, he will know it's getting to me and that will knock me off my 'in control and don't care' perch.

So, how do I move forward from here? I think that to continue nc for a while may be OK as it did flush him out to ask about discussing the finances, which he has not followed up on.

Monday will see him give me the insurance details but I don't know how to answer his email. He followed up by asking "what's up - someone bump you?" ...

He's obviously content enough that I am not hurt and yet doesn't care enough to put himself out any further than that.

Maybe I just don't answer but sit this one out and wait ... when he sends the details, just thank him for having done so. That would be mysterious but is it right ... I don't know?

I just wish that I could get over my intense jealous rages and control my desire to shake the living bones out of him and tell him to grow up and come home to where his REAL love is waiting to get things back on the right tracks. I am so angry and sad all rolled in to one today - and I woke up feeling like I was going to have a good day!

Answers welcome, PLEASE! Gucci, if you are out there .... !

.... and as an after thought, which is even more sickening, this also means that H would have been with ow on our Wedding Anniversary, equally as he was with her on my birthday. I'm getting so enraged and it's about time that I blasted him. It's like he's taking everything that is precious to me/us and tearing it apart in front of my face. His cruel actions are so alien and yet he knows that he will be getting a rise out of me. The worst thing is, I can do nothing to stop him.