My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

Seriously, what could RSF possibly say to her and actually be standing on solid ground about her "affair"?
I have to believe this is not an affair to her. This is a relationship post her marriage breaking up because HE LEFT HER.

I thought I told him what he could possibly say...???

"WS, I realize that I screwed up. I have tried to show you that I know I made big mistakes and screwed things up maybe past the point of no return."

"I have now realized how you must have felt, and I too now know that I can't make you love me any more than you could make me love you. It must be out of free choice."

"I have decided that I am not going to share my wife with another man. I have been doing some thinking and realize it could never work out unless we both choose each other."

"I will be filing for divorce so that we are free of each other except for the kids. Maybe this is for the best".......

Then he does exactly that. Turns and walks the other way... and LEAVES her alone.
No more pursuit after that point. She knows he is sorry. They do have a history together.. Will she risk the history if she thinks RSF is serious? I guess we would find out, wouldn't we?

IF... IF she says..
"It was your fault because you told me that you didn't love me"

His answer is..."I know. you are right, it is my fault. I understand and don't blame you. That is why I am moving the divorce forward. It can't work with us doing these things to each other..."

No matter how she attacks he stands pat on that type of answer...


AGREE, apologize sincerely, and tell her you are moving forward.....


What he is now doing is NOT working. Why wait around on things that don't work?

I have said all of these things, almost verbatim, with the exception of suggesting the Divorce.

Early on I asked her to not do the divorce, told her I loved her and told her I'd wait. [I shouldn't have done this]

More recently I have clearly stuck to my triad:

1. I did bad things, I'm sorry and I have forgiven myself.
2. I love you and want to save our marriage.
3. I am moving forward with my life.

There's just that little unresolved issue of the agreement to leave her alone with OM if she doesn't force the D issue. This issue makes my #3 ring hollow.

[Coach]

the agreement to leave her alone with OM if she doesn't force the D issue.

Explain please????

[RedSoxFan]

the agreement to leave her alone with OM if she doesn't force the D issue.

Explain please????

A little context. I left W almost 1 year ago. MLC+PA. Went dark for 10 months during which I slowly came around, ended PA, got PC, etc. Began seeing marriage and family in new light. Before I could act (was taking my sweet time and thought W and I were working on ourselves) I found out that W was seeing OM. Thats approx 2 months ago. I spent several weeks in hysterics, then settled in here and have been somewhat stable and in control since ;-)

So from W's perspective I came out of left field. I had been silent about everything all along.

Honestly, I was completely self centered and self absorbed...OM really put the fear of god in me.

When I showed up, OM put pressure on W. I believe he said all the usual stuff like, I'll back off if you want to be with h-i-m...no really I will. She said no I don't want that. He said you need to divorce. She came to me and said we should do the disillusion, she said she was feeling lots of pressure, she said everything was fine until I came out of nowhere. Dating him was light and fun and she was finding her footing. Now she wished everyone would go away. so I said I'll stop pressuring you about seeing OM if you agree to hold off on Disillusion. She agreed and thats where we are today.

[RedSoxFan]

W: Sent an email asking about saturday. Haven't heard back. Race for the Cure is saturday. Need to know if I can plan to do with the girls.

Me: Did I miss a txt or something? It's your weekend dude.

W: Ok. The girls think you invited them to the party on sat. You should let them know.

Me: Oh yeah. We did get invited to XXX party in XXXXXXXX. I was on the fence since they were sick and it was your weekend. I know you haven't had much quality time with them lately.

Me: Party is Saturday night. No conflict with RFTC at all. What are your thoughts?

W: I'm OK with them going. I like them to have fun and that family seemed nice. They seemed excited. We can do something tonight and then the race in the morning. It's up to you.

Me: Well you know what my preference is I'll RSVP that we'll attend.

W: What time on Saturday

Me: Part starts at 8. You are really an awesome Mom.

So is it just me or is this the biggest load of sh*t you've ever seen? "She likes them to have fun" "and that family seemed nice"! c'mon. Is there any chance that she doesn't have an offer to do something with OM Saturday night?

Am I doing this right? Feels like I'm making a doormat of myself. Not feeling real good about it.

[MrBond]

"c'mon. Is there any chance that she doesn't have an offer to do something with OM Saturday night? "

You're putting scenarios in your head again. If she is going with OM, so what? You can't stop that. Do you want to be with your kids? If so, then do it. Stop coming up with situations that don't impact you.

Enjoy your time with your kids.

[RedSoxFan]

W: Sent an email asking about saturday. Haven't heard back. Race for the Cure is saturday. Need to know if I can plan to do with the girls.

Me: Did I miss a txt or something? It's your weekend dude.

W: Ok. The girls think you invited them to the party on sat. You should let them know.

Me: Oh yeah. We did get invited to XXX party in XXXXXXXX. I was on the fence since they were sick and it was your weekend. I know you haven't had much quality time with them lately.

Me: Party is Saturday night. No conflict with RFTC at all. What are your thoughts?

W: I'm OK with them going. I like them to have fun and that family seemed nice. They seemed excited. We can do something tonight and then the race in the morning. It's up to you.

Me: Well you know what my preference is I'll RSVP that we'll attend.

W: What time on Saturday

Me: Party starts at 8. You are really an awesome Mom.

Follow-up text an hour or so later:

W: Do you plan to keep them for the night or bring them home?

[Dia]

Hi, RSF - your sitch is kinda similar to mine. Not sure if you'd find any help or wisdom in my thread (maybe you've already been) but I also came back to H out of left field and am trying to cope with an OW.

Actually - you've visited me before. I remember a post about your name.

[RedSoxFan]

Yes, I've read your intro and some of the recent stuff but not the 75 pages in between

I'll have to dig in. Not doing so well lately

[RedSoxFan]

started reading from the beginning this a.m. Going to take me a while to cover that many posts...LOL. I am def enjoying the recent stuff though....sweet!!

[Stronger]

Ditto to Stuck.