Bagheera, I am sorry if I came across as defensive, I honestly didn't mean to. I took everything you said to heart and tried to place it all in context to my situation and am trying to change for myself and have been trying to let go of my anger... but I recognise that trying and doing are two different things.
My husband has always been open to the idea of seeing a MC but never wants to go if and when I get ready to set up appointments. I have tried therapy for myself (up to the allowable number per year for our insurance) and it has helped me some with 'seperating myself from the anger' and I learned to place the blame on him and not myself because I was on a very destructive path emotionally for a while where I blamed myself for everything. I just have to find the happy "middleground".
Maybe I have to try GALing... I am just so restricted in what I can do and can no longer do all the activities that I once enjoyed because of my physical restrictions... but I will break out my bath goodies (salts, bubbles and candles) and grab a book and drain the hot water heater and give myslef a long soak this weekend and just pamper myself a bit, I think.
Thank you, Bagheera... you have helped me by pointing out that I am being defensive and that is not the person I want to be.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
