Need to really make changes for me (thread #3)

[BeingMe]

STOP contacting your H, Vickd!!!! There! I've written it in blunt words. Whenever you are tempted, imagine a huge stop sign and a loud alarm and step away from the phone.

You know, it's pointless having these little arguments. It doesn't get anything resolved. So, I would advise that you go dark, and try to detach. Have you started GAL yet? That might help you resist the temptation to phone H.

Good luck, and don't phone. STOP!!!!

[karen43]

We all screw up sometimes. I just think you have to think of them as learning experiences. You said you felt pathetic and like an addict when you did the pursuing. I've seen your posts when you were really strong in DBing and you sound happy, strong, confident. So just learn from these experiences and do what will increase your PMA, not decrease it. If you feel like you're going to call or text him, maybe call or text a friend, anyone other than him? Post here. Get out and do some exercise. Go get a cappucino (my favorite), but whatever will distract you.

[vickyd]

Hey guys,

So thanks a bunch. I spent the date at my mom's place so totallly help me from giving into any temptation of contacting H. It was good GALing today. So trying m to get my head together. No contact from H. That's fine. I can tell that he's pulling back. I hate that I get stucked in over and over. But I'm cool, had a good day.

Will keep you guys posted. Wishing you all the best.

[vickyd]

So update... thanks again. I haven't spoken to H since Friday night. I was able to get control back of myself thank God. I figured since he doesn't want to talk I'll just let him be until he's ready. But, I'm not going to jump at his first attempt to regain contact. Today, I guess finally H missed me. I saw that he called twice on my work phone. He doesn't know that I now have caller id at work. It happened though that I wasn't even at my desk so counldn't even get tempted. I plan on not really talking to him today. I don't want him to think I was waiting for his call and he can just stop talking when he choices and then start back at his discretion, so I'm laying down. I do miss him though, but I'm going to stand strong. Thanks guys.

[BeingMe]

Good for you, Vicky! If you do eventually speak to him on the phone, make sure you end the call. Keep it brief, to the point, and no R talk, unless he brings it up and then you just listen.

Take care.

[vickyd]

Good, its good to be reminded so DB basics b/c since H and I reconnected I think I'm start to get too heavy. Need to stay a little more pulled back.

[vickyd]

Yesterday finally answered H's call. Talked briefly. Today we talked.

So ok, Yikes, so here's update. After our b/s talk and I know H wants to come home.
I texted: Let's stop beating around the bush DO YOU WANNA COME BACK HOME?? Text YES or NO.
H: Yes
Me: Name the date.
H: Soon [wtf]
Me: you gotta be kidding me right. Are you for real with that answer.
H: Yea.
Me: So u r not going to commit to a date?
H: We will talk.
Me: No date then I take it u r not serious. No more BS talk either we move forward or not.
h: I am going home
Me: Date
H: Relax
Me: Ok I know what this means
H: Whatever relax please
Me: I'm RELAX & know well what's up. no problem
H: I am coming home don't worry
Me: Ok no problem let me know when u wanna get serious with a date
H: Let me make some decision
Me: Absolutely. Your decision
Me: Your key is there for whatever u decide
H: Ok
Me: So let me know when u ready to get down to business

Ok, I know no pressure is allowed but I got tired of this man's bs and acting like I'm keeping him from coming home. And then I was tired of us beating around the bush. H basically tried to make it like I kicked him out again last week and I was keeping him from his home. But I realize H is full of himself. He doesn't want to come home. He wants keys so he can come and go as he please. Nope, not allowed. I'm glad I got my key back.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Pressure? WHAT pressure?

H: I am coming home don't worry
Me: Ok no problem let me know when u wanna get serious with a date

There you have it. He knows it's "no problem" for him to continue to do what he's ALWAYS done, Vicky, and that's stall you and throw you just enough crumbs along the way to keep his "Vicky" plate spinning on his stick.

You need to read more of Robx's latest stuff, esp. to Tristan. For starters, why did YOU initiate:

After our b/s talk and I know H wants to come home.
I texted: Let's stop beating around the bush DO YOU WANNA COME BACK HOME?? Text YES or NO.

A better approach would be to totally drop it, and let HIM approach YOU, and then when he does:

H: Don't worry, I'm coming home soon.

V: I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. I think you may be right -- we (fill in his stated marital complaints here)."

I'm sorry, I know you've increased the AMPLITUDE of it all, but I just don't see anything in the content of your interaction(s) with him that indicates that you are in any WAY "tired of his b.s."

Puppy

[BeingMe]

Or, you can tell him to give you a call when he has his stuff packed to come home. Otherwise, you're not interested in BS talk. He's mucking about, keeping you waiting, keeping the OW on a string too. As much as you probably despise OW, just realise that she's on the same puppet string as you. Or, so it seems.

Then, get on with your life, and if you're still interested by the time he gets serious, think about it first.

Take care.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You can also tell him that "I find it 'very unattractive' (and use that word) when a man is so indecisive."