Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[hoosiermama]

Isn't it possible -- equally possible -- that LBS is just as lost in a fantasy?

Oh, absolutely SP. ALL of this is part of the process. The "process" being GRIEF. Grief over what was, what we wanted, what we dreamed, what we lost and what we thought we lost. Grief over our self-image, or children's pain, our future or what we thought our future would be. Grief when we see elderly couples holding hands because that won't be us. Grief that hits when we least expect it about the most unanticipated things.

Getting thru this sucky-but-healing-and-necessary process ultimately makes us who we are, who we will be. Processing all this stuff--which is what you're doing--is part of grief, part of transforming it from crisis to an "afog" (another f*cking opportunity for growth). Think sausage--an ideal example of processed food--not pretty to watch happening, but dang tasty once it's complete.

Our perceptions of what our marriage was really like vary depending upon which stage of sausage-making we are in. And ultimately our decision can't be whole until we get to the point of "acceptance" (God, I hate that term)--until we're really okay either way. And until we're there for awhile , because this is a very dynamic process.

So yeah, gotta be zen-like and just be with all of this, continue to generate mojo and figure out who we are as SP and not SP-and-Mrs. SP. Flashes of wisdom thruout, also flashes of pure terror and confusion. But it's the only way out of the fog.