Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

You are right, BJ, and you are the fist person I think I've suggested that to. I suppose the dating issue would have to be a personal decision for people. There are many here on the board who think that is the key in getting the WAS's attention, and as you said....it would, but you have other things you have to consider. I think you are being better than I am. I feel like a todler who just wants to fall down in the floor and thow myself a big old fit! (Just kidding.......a little.)

Sandi,

Right now I can really relate to wanting to throw a fit. I had a pretty unpleasant night last night. My W baited me into a D talk by telling me how much she wanted to save money on Ls by trying to mutually agree to some sort of custody agreement with our kids. My W started the conversation with a reasonable tone and I got suckered in to the discussion. Long story short, my W tried throwing a few more breadcrumbs my way but it was far from equitable or fair. (Now she is willing to allow me 30% time with the kids up from "every other weekend".) Then she mentioned how she is coming to realize how much of a major economic impact a D is going to have on both of us including the legal fees. Things got unpleasant when I told her my expectation was 50% custody of the kids if we D. She about started to cry while asking "How could you take the kids away from their mother 50% of the time?" I felt like asking her the same question about me! Then she started telling me about all the "suffering" she has been enduring while indulging in her A and that is when I about lost it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! She is the one who has been "suffering"?! Well, I guess I wasn't able to hide the incredulous look on my face very well before asking her to explain to me how she was "suffering". She didn't answer and stomped away mad. Probably best that she did or else we would have been up half the night arguing and fighting.

Then tonight I go to grab the laptop and find her email left open with an email thread to OM. Still in contact with OM- what a surprise! (I don't know if this was "accidental" or not. W can be forgetful at times but I'm not a big believer in coincidences either.) Anyways, in the email she basically told OM she had no regrets that he found her, that they had the A, that the A had revealed a lot of shortcomings in her life with me and that she was OK with "breaking things off" with him to "get him out of her head and emotions" so "my H can't use you (OM) against me in the D". Predictably irrational, OM responded back on the thread by stating "That's good because now that scumbag won't have any excuses!"

She stated that she felt bad that he felt bad about causing the breakup of our M but that she "didn't have any regrets now about getting a D", especially now that she had been with "a real man". She commented on how astute he (OM) was about dealing with relationships and thanked him for all of his "support" and relationship advice.

She acknowledged that it was highly unlikely that they would get together as she could not move out of state with our kids and that she was OK with the fact that they both might get together with different people in the future. She stated that she had a lead on a promising job prospect, that she had spoken to a L who had promised to get her exactly the child custody she wants and that the future "looked bright".

Sandi, my W's sitch is soooo pathetic. She is so terribly confused and deluded. She continues to dig herself a bigger hole every day and now she is mixed up with a L of her own who will run up a large bill very quickly if she is not careful. I'm focused now on surviving as best I can with my kids while my W self-destructs. I absolutely hate this!! But what can I do?