Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Sent WAW a few texts today -- all things either we needed to talk about or stuff about the D7 I thought she'd want to know.

She didn't respond. One was pretty important so I called about 9:30 p.m. to talk about getting D10 on a swimming team.

She just didn't sound interested in talking at all. She mentioned she is going to have to work more early mornings and late nights because of cuts at her job. That means she'll need me to help even more. I had them stay over twice this week because she had to work late.

Of course, I'll do it as much as I can because it means more time with my girls. But I don't think it helps us much because she still feels like she HAS to have me around.

Again, maybe I'm overthinking things and she's just tired or upset work made her miss a picnic with D7 at her school.

Me, I'm still on a roller coaster. Part of the day I felt really good after reading a post on these boards where the message essentially was "to get ahead of the WAS by emotionally detaching, do the work to improve and then wait to see if the WAS is ready to do the same."

I've been putting a lot of time in improving myself.

Then I was working one of my extra jobs at a high school football game and being in the atmosphere reminded me of the WAW 21 years ago when I met her -- she was a pom-pon girl for a rival high school.

When will these little memories not hurt so much?
______________________
M: 40
W: 38
Married: 13 years
D: 10
D: 7
Bomb dropped: 2-09
Moved out: 5-09
No legal steps taken