Tired of the game

[Trixi]

I'm so cross at my thoughts because I think 'I'll file for divorce' then my next thought is 'ooohhh I wonder if that'll be the thing to bring him back?' And that is my problem. My head says I don't want this person back but my heart says otherwise.

You totally, succinctly put into words what I am struggling with. My H has been using me as a push me/pull me toy for so long and I am finally getting fed up; but when I think of just giving up and filing, I think exactly that 'maybe THEN he'll pull his head out of his butt'.
What Gucci writes makes SO much sense. I read it and felt like I was getting a much needed drink of water after 2 years in the desert.
And yet....
It doesn't feel as easy as it sounds.

Don't feel too badly for sticking it out for two years; I'm in the same boat. We've lived apart for 2 years and we aren't any closer to reconciling than a year ago..or 18 months ago..or....

I'll be following your story with much interest.