WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

I do appreciate everyone support and 2x4's on my latest vent.

It's true. I am still at odds and confused with myself

I know I want the marriage to be healed and to work

Problem is I don't see how that would be possible. I don't see her showing any remorse let alone making any moves to work on us or even appologize. Even if she did I could see I would either drive myself crazy kissing her a$$ so she wouldn't cheat again or she would have to be so perfect that it would make her crazy. Either scenario just won't be goo for either of us or the kids

So I know what I want. I just can't see a path to get there so I'm trying to minimize anymore pain/hurt for me and my boys. Or perhaps I'm being selfish as to minimize it just for me.....