"You are the one I wanted to get to know on a deep level. This was no fling for me. You are my true love. My choice is to be here with you, if it wasn't I would not still be here. My choosing you however is not enough. I want to feel chosen by you as well. I need to feel your love and affection for me in a physical way."
This is exactly what my W needs to hear from me, and it is exactly what I need her to absorb. She is still convinced on some level that I only care about sex and not her.
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Slowly... very slowly she has reawakened that part of herself that wants me. Our ST/MC has helped her a lot with this too. Reading DB, SSM and PM have helped as well. Once she realized that I wanted HER, not just sex from her, the shift began to occur.
That's awesome and it gives me hope that if I can get the message across she may respond.
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Another difference is in the way that we ML. There is no rush anymore, we might spend an hour or more touching and kissing. Also we ML about 1-2 times a week. In between ML though we still show affection with kisses, hugs and snuggling at night. Touching each other without it leading to sex. Sometimes there is no intention of sex and then it just happens anyway. It has helped to leave the possibility open with no certainty of it happening.
This is also a huge one for me, not so much in taking our time since we set enough time aside to do so, but in the sense that touching always leads to ML. The weird thing about my W is that she doesn't want any touching whatsoever, because she knows she wont be able to stop once she gets turned on. This means that unless she has allocated time to ML, there can be no kind of physical contact (besides a friendly hug). The thing about allocated time is that it is not spontaneous, and I can't initiate anything when I am most interested. Often by the time the scheduled ML comes around, I am not as into it because the lack of spontaneity is a mood killer.
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I hope this helps you spellfire.
It helps me a great deal, because there is not as much info out there about such a specific stage. Thank you very much for taking the time to respond.
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
