Of course it hurts to think about it and I don't think you've had enough time to totally be over your feelings. You "are" working at this very hard and you can't just stop your emotions over-night. I would hope if something happened to me that my H would not get over me in a few months. Okay, so that may not be the same situation, but it is still "love" and "pain" that is mixed together. That is tough stuff to handle. One reason I think you waiver about some things where she's concerned is b/c you haven't made up your mind 100% about a possible chance at a future together.....if she met your requests (such as admitting the A, etc.) If you think that you could desire to be M to her if things changed, then that gives you a better idea of how to handle meetings and emails, etc. The same applies if you make up your mind that there is no way you would ever go back to her no matter how much she changed. Know what I mean? But I don't think this is something you will be positive about for a while. That ole heart tends to have a mind of its own! And, btw, it is easy for me to tell you to forget her & move on.....but this is your life and your heart...and you need to listen to advice but in the end do what you can live with.....always.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
