That means a lot BeingMe, thanks for your support. Whereas I hate you had to go through it, I'm grateful for someone who can so clearly relate to what I'm going through.
Now I have more news. My W was going to my house to continue to clear out stuff today. After hearing about my son, I wanted to talk to her about it and make sure he was okay. Although I was very hesitant to do it, I drove home from work to see her. She was there with our youngest daughter. She was clearly emotionally hurting as she packed up her things. I didn't really know what to say, so I just milled around and did small talk for a bit, then I eventually asked her how our son was. She said he's okay, and that we should talk about it, but not now, when we have time to be alone without interruption. She was not angry at all, actually just the opposite. For the first time, I felt regret from her, and support for my feelings about it. She said "If you're feeling like giving me a hug, don't, I'm all sweaty and disgusting." I said "No, I wasn't thinking that." She said "Wow, I can't read you at all any more." Well, she can, because I lied, I absolutely was feeling like hugging her.
She did ask if I wanted to talk about other things, finances, splitting up stuff, etc. I said okay and we sat down to talk. We discussed various minor practical matters, then she said "You're really moving on this (the divorce), and it hurts. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it hurts." I was surprised by that, but that was just the beginning.
She said she was collecting up all the kids baby stuff, and was going to prepare a memory box for each of them, and asked if I wanted a set too, as there was enough stuff. I had my armor on and was acting aloof and indifferent to everything, but that went right through the armor and into my heart. My eyes started to tear up, and I whispered "No." She said "Are you sure?" and I just nodded. I looked away as I emotionally broke down, then I composed myself and I said "I'm sorry." She said "Don't be. I've been doing it all week."
Once we got past that moment, she says "Do you remember when we christened this house?" She was referring to when we ML there the first time. I just nodded and smiled and pointed to the area on the floor where we did it, after we drove there from the house closing. She smiled and nodded. Then she said "Do you remember when we took S for his first walk when he was only a week old? Right out there?" she said pointing to the driveway. I said "Sure, with the rickety old blue stroller we got handed down to us." Again she smiled in a way I haven't seen in a long time.
Here's the punch line. Then she looked very nervous and said "I'd like to get together to talk about us again. Not right now, I've just got too much else going on, but maybe in a few weeks? Would that be something you would be willing to do?" Her demeanor was one of meekness and vulnerability I haven't seen in years. I didn't show it at all, but I was blown away. There she was, my impervious WAW, the woman who left me for her wonderful OM, the woman I thought was gone forever, meekly asking if I would meet with her to talk about us. I didn't even think there was an us anymore. I didn't show my cards, I just stared at her, with a very hesitant look, but I eventually softly said "okay", with a suspicious look in my eye. I probably should have said no, but the moment was just too much to resist.
Now is when I really, really, really, need to be strong and stay distant from her. I have to let her chase me. If she acts like she did today, it's going to be very difficult, and will take every ounce of self control I've got.
