That doesn't answer my need to prove to him I am trustworthy. We have this cycle - he has a temper, I'm afraid so I lie or hide things to avoid his temper, he find out and blows up even more and blames me. I can't control his part in this cycle. But my lying is a coping mechanism from childhood that is wrong. He still needs to see that I am changing my part in it. He has to see the changes.
As for doing stuff for me, that also got m ein this mess. I was doing theatre for the past three years which meant being gone most evenings and weekend. My husband tried to tell me this wasn't working for him and I blew him off becuase I figured, hey, I'm home with a baby all day. I go out when you are off work, not abandoning my job as mother. I need to do this for me.
but I didn't hear his needs. I am taking this time to show him i can be selfless. I can care about his needs. He doesn't believe I do - from his childhood yes. But also from my behavior. Doing a bunch of stuff for me just shows being selfish. I don't know how that can help the marriage.
But I do overdo it on the need to please syndrome. I don't know how to not be hard on myself. That's one thing. I am also working on my temper. That's another. I've given up theatre and don't know what else right now I want to do. It's a void. I guess I love sewing. I love nature. i feel guilty enjoying these things when my H is so stressed out. But you are right I need to find a way not to constantly want to please him. God this is hard.
