But that is my own work and is for me, not to get him back.
You don't really believe this and you are not living it.
EVERYTHING you do right now is to please him. EVERYTHING.
You have not done one single thing to make you happy or to make the improvements you want to see in yourself for yourself. EVERYTHING you are doing, you are hoping will impact him, not you.
The more you do this, the more disappointed you will be, the more disappointed you are, the more it will show, the more it shows, the more he reacts in a negative manner to you, the more negative he is, the harder you work to please him, and then it all starts again. It's crazy.
He's going to do whatever he wants. He is not thinking about the impact any of his BS has on you.
RIGHT NOW Hope, please sit down, write down things you want to do for you. I don't care if it's skydiving or volunteering at the animal shelter to taking a cooking class to exercising to doing puzzles at home. Whatever you want. Make a list, RIGHT NOW.
Then, make a list of things you want to improve about yourself. For me, it was my temper. I got a HOT one. And I can be mean and vindictive. H pointed that out to me. And he's right. I've worked on it and I'm no where near where I would like to be with that but I'm working on it. I'm have no patience, not naturally but now I'm better. And I don't care what my H thinks on those fronts, STRONGER is the judge. What do you want to work on you internally? Make that list too and start working on it. Get therapy, get a book, whatever, work on it FOR YOU.
YOU CAN NOT LIVE FOR HIM. It will kill you if you try.
I recently told my H "I am not responsible for you happiness. So if you are around trying to see if Stronger can make you happy, you're going to be disappointed. I want you to know, I'm not even trying to do that." He looked at me sort of confused I guess, which in turn surprised me. I followed up with "Sports can't make you happy, work can't make you happy, S can't make you happy and neither can I. You can enjoy these things but ultimately, YOU make YOU happy. Nothing and no one else." I further told him "I'm aware that I've done things that have mad you unhappy and I'm sorry about that and I'm working on somethings, but that's for me. If you benefit, great, but you aren't the target here, I am for me."
