Im panicking here. Went to IC yesterday and C reminded me I'm building up trust with H that things can and are different with me. I blew that big time today and now I'm off on "I'm going to lose him forever" mode.
Because he appologized and said how stressed out he is (and acknowledged that he has to hold it together better around me and S) I offered to get up with S today. I told him that is something I can do to lighten his load. H like this and seemed to open up to me more last night, softening more, getting closer. Then S got up early and went to H this morning. Because I forgot I had left S window open (it was very hot last night) and I forgot to set alarm to get up with S and keep him quiet.
H was good in that he didn't yell at me. H told me this is exactly his problem with me - I say things and don't follow through. This is his whole argument for having no MC (H can't believe it will be different this time just because I say so) and for the Sep agreement (things won't be different so H has to be prepared).
I have all these things hanging over my head. H said he feels stupid for trusging me again because I can't follow through on my word. It's not about getting up with S. It's th eimplication for whole marriage.
I'm so depressed today and feel like we are back to square one and that H won't trust me again. I feel just awful. I feel scared. I feel mad at myself because I know things will change but I have a small window to prove it and I blew it.
Help!
That said, I also know I should have stood up to H the other day way more. I know I should have hung up the phone once he started yelling. I also blew that one. But that is my own work and is for me, not to get him back.
I know I have to stand up to him more. What I don't know is how to get him to trust me again when the whole thing goes out the window over something. I think I'll go dark this weekend?
