"Love Tank" and "Love Bank" are the same concept with different names.
"Love Bank" is from Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs"
"Love Tank" is from "5 Love Languages"
Every time you do something loving for your spouse (per the definition of how they want to be loved - both books describe this), then the tank get's fuller / bank balance goes up.
Every time you do something non-loving for your spouse, you are taking out of the tank / making a withdrawal from the bank.
When the tank gets empty / bank balance reaches 0, your spouses feelings of love for you are gone.
The tank / bank leaks over time, so if you do nothing, the level / balance goes down over time - doing nothing eventually leads to a zero level / balance.
So you have to figure out what things are inputs / deposits for YOUR spouse, and then do it in order to keep the tank full / bank balance high.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
GIMA - your situation contiues to drift in the right direction. I have had similar experiences with W's attitude about activities - she plans things solo for the most part but is starting to take some baby steps towards thinking about me in the plans here and there I have found. I am just continuing on the path I have set more recently with her and watching for progress at this point.
I have had similar thoughts about my W's sleeping arrangements lately - when will she get tired of sleeping on a couch in our bonus room? She moved in there around Memorial Day.
Something will hvae to give because the room she is in gets very cold in the winter - 3 outside walls and lots of windows.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
So, W emails and calls me today at work to tell me a funny story about how she was talking to one of the mothers on my S's football team. S needs french lessons, so W jokingly told this mother (who is a french teacher) W would barter baked goods for french lessons - she really was kidding.
Next thing she knows, she's got 2-3 orders and she has set up a blog. She's really excited. I am excited for her too. This is one of her passions, so I am happy to see her involved in this. And, she really is pretty (no really) good at this.
So, now she's reached out to me to tell me her exciting news. Hmmm....
A thought - the cake thing is making her happy. And if the cake thing can make her happy, then gosh almighty, maybe it wasn't *you* that was making her UNhappy.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Next thing we know is that GIMA will want to be cake-eating too?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
A thought - the cake thing is making her happy. And if the cake thing can make her happy, then gosh almighty, maybe it wasn't *you* that was making her UNhappy
Yep. I have thought that for a while now. Same goes for the job she had briefly. I think a large part of the problem is she has lost some of her self worth. Things like this help her get that back, so I want to support them.
