From reading your dates, if you are piecing, now, then your boyfriend wasn't MLC.
Things in MLC are so very different then WAS. Things are also different when you are married.
No, I never said BF was in MLC. I am very tired of people telling me that it's just SO different. Fine. Whatever. From now on I will never post on any MLC thread because I can't possibly have any insight on what you all are going through.
But I will not let anyone imply that my experience is not valid because we are not married. We have been together longer than most of our married friends and many people on this board. We have lived together, bought and sold houses together and moved cross country together twice. Just because I don't have a piece of paper, my choice, does not mean that my relationship is less meaningful than those with the piece of paper.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Have fun finding out who GG really is. I would caution that you only make changes that are right for you and not designed solely to get your absent spouse back. While you explore make sure to stay in tune with your inner GG and do nothing that would make it impossible for your absent spouse to return. Changes made for the wrong reasons rarely stick and just won't feel comfortable. ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Advice given on this {or any} board will never be one size fits all. You will never agree with every word put out for you. It is up to you to take what you can use.
It absolutely doesn't matter if you have that little piece of paper. You and your BF know what is in your hearts. Your years long commitment is valid because you and he agree that it is.
It truly doesn't matter if he was/is in MLC or a walkaway. You still had to do the same things. Reflect and work on yourself.{look in the mirror} Be patient and loving and do no harm. Stay your course as you piece your relationship back together.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Do you believe people come into your life for a reason? I was just team teaching with a gal who had the word "breathe" tatooed on her wrist. She said that's to help her remember to...step back, not sweat the small stuff, and just remember that was is going to happen is going to happen. Wow! My thoughts for the day...hope everyone is having a good Friday and looking forward to the weekend. It's going to be chilly here in Colorado...
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
: ) Hi Pearl, actually if you and BF have lived together for 6 mo in CO you are common law married in the wonderfully populated state of Colorado.
That piece of paper is a piece of paper let others put the import of it, pain is pain nothing makes anyone more or less valid and really? Who cares its not like you can whip it out and compare it.
I'd rather avoid the my advice is bigger than your advice metaphysical cat-fight....mmmmm cat-fight...give me a second there....
one more second...mmmm...
ok... look advice is advice, yadda yadda yadda, everyone has some, and everyone has an a$$hole a well. Mine is the OM.
Gucci, Puppy, Phoenix and several others, their advice is good in certain situations, WAH and such, and they post in those forums. Their advice isn't really geared toward MLC where there are long odds and tight ropes. These guys are positively great at regaining your self esteem. And their advice works wonderfully well in a logical situation.
But here in MLC there be dragons, here is Wonderland.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I think Breathe is very apt, certainly in my case, as part of my 180's learning to stop, breathe and think on things for 24hrs has totally changed me. I would certainly have acted first and thought after and now every time I put myself on hold, it amazes me what perspective I have 24hrs later.. Im in a MLC/WAS position, Im not really sure how much is what in his case, but I find most of the information helpful and constructive, the only thing I find is that a MLC is like living with a teenager it takes a long while to see the fruit and although they kick off they need the security of home more.. But then what do I know Im separated for seven weeks from my childhood sweetheart who I never in a squillion years thought would do any of this!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
